Random Thoughtz...

Strap on your seat belts this may be one that is all over the place...

First up I seriously think that some one at the Chick Fil A near my house can't count. Every time I order a four piece chicken strip, I open the box to find that they put an extra 2-3 strips in there. It it rather over whelming to see those extra strips... I tend to feel the pressure to eat them. See this is why this country is an obese country.

I don't do modern technology all like that hence why I am finally getting a blue tooth (or a head set of any kind). With anything when I get something new and "modern" I don't know how to act. On Saturday my ex husband was dropping off the boys. I told my girl friend to hold on thinking we would say hi and bye...not. We sat and talked for over 45 mins while she was on the phone listening to our whole conversation. We are very civil, hell we were friends before we got married and had been together for a total of 13 years prior to our divorce and decided to remain friends for the sake of our children... I am also friendly with his wife whom destroyed our marriage (that is another blog). Anyway, my girlfriend was talking about how after all he had done I was sitting with him "kickin the bobos". OK! Kickin the bobos??? I have not heard that term in yeaaaars I mean over a decade. I am going to have to put that comment on the self with the dude I was dating in Fall 07 who asked me when we were going to, "do the butt butt". *rolling eyes*

Moving on...

Why is it there are some exes that feel as though you always want them?? I called an ex out of the blue to say, hello and see how he was doing. I mean just because we are no longer together does not mean that they don't cross my mind from time to time or that I wonder how they are. So dude climbed on his high horse and, started asking me questions. Matter of fact the conversation went a lil like this...

Miss. Lady: Hey, J how are you doing?
J: I am fine and you?
Miss. Lady: I'm good. Long time no talk. How is the family and the job?
J: They are fine, I am getting married. My fiance is right here next to me...
Miss. Lady: Good Congratulations! I am so happy to hear that.
J: Yeah, let me guess? You don't have no body? Do you?
Miss. Lady: Nope. Still single, just chillin.
J: You aren't with your daughter's father anymore either, are you?
Miss. Lady: Negative.
J: Well, why don't you try going to church to find some one. That is what I did. Yeah I met her through ministry work and volunteering with the church.
Miss. Lady: Mmmmm, ok good. I will be sure to keep that in mind.... thanks.

I mean really was all that necessary. I mean if I said congratulations and was genuinely excited about your engagement then why make it seem as though I was calling because I wanted your ass? Unless some one was that special to me when I am done, I am done.

Anyway... my office was ice cold today, the HVAC guy left the building and changed the pass word so no one could get into the computer that controls the temp in the building. This has been on going for over a week. I think some one is really trying to piss me off.

Tired of Faking IT....

Over the last year I have come to grips with the fact that I am an anti social introvert with extrovert tendencies, therefore when people approach me about why I don't attend certain social function or why I don't thrust myself into certain social situations I simply say, "because I am anti social". I have embraced it and why try to fake it to make it, when it (being non anti social) is not going to happen?

The thing I find so funny is that no one believes me. They think I just have a dry sense of humor and an unwillingness to go along with the status quo. For instance, my job is moving to another building on the other side town in March and some sentimental sap (s) decided that it would be wonderful to have a building wide, farewell fiesta pizza party (insert excitement here). :-/

My overly social co worker asked if I would be attending said party and I said, "No". She asked me why not and I told her the truth, "because I am anti social" this was followed by laughter and accusations of being mean. I simply don't get it??? Why don't people just understand and accept that there are some who like to float amongst people, have small talk get into everyone's business and then there are the ones who just don't? Especially in this situation in having to deal with the loss of my office (we are going into a cube environment) I realllly don't want to have light discussion over pizza and soda with a whole bunch of people. I smile and say hello in passing, take it and cherish it.

Anyway...

I have a question... is allowing some one to believe something that is false a lie? For example, if I say my leg was sore a few days ago and the person assumes that because it was sore a few days ago that it is still sore and I will not be able to take a walk in the park. Yet I allow said person to believe their assumption of my situation and we just sit and watch TV instead of walking in the park, is that a lie?

It's Stuck!

One thing I hate the most is when a random song (or sometimes not so random) is stuck in my head. Through out the day and night it plays over and over again in my head, there are no buttons to push or dials to twist in order to turn it off it is just stuck. I thought that downloading the song would make it go away and I must admit hearing the song and singing along was good to my soul but it still rolls in my head as if I was the writer, producer, composer and performer. UGH!


Anyway, imagine my shock when I logged into my usual storage account and all of my music files, all 50 -60 of my music files had been erased. So I am copying off of others who utilize DivShare for their music storage and sharing needs. Hey word of mouth is best, is it not??


So now I will corrupt you and leave you with said song in hope others will suffer the repeat of this song with me...

Could It Be I'm Falling In Love - The Spinners

What Is It About The Cold...

that people love soooo much. I hate the winter months, I hate the cold and I hate the dry air.

Yesterday I was in my office preparing to leave for home. I was going through my routine; put my sweater coat on, wrap my scarf around me, put on my coat and my gloves. As I was wrapping my scarf around me my co worker breezes through talking about how I was bundling up and why is every one wrapping up like they are going to fight a cold monster???! Ummm cause dude the cold it a monster. Anyway, he was floating around the office talking about how he loves the cold and he is awaiting for when it gets colder. Oh really? At this moment I wanted to go beyond GFY and go to SYAD and STFU.

He is the tenth person I have encountered that just raves about the winter months in the DC area and how the cold, crisp air is wonderful. I am anemic, I stay cold all the time I don't want to hear that shit. My children are the only reason why I continue to live in this area and I am beginning to count down the years to when they all go off to college and then will come my opportunity to move to a place the provides a warmer climate because this cold weather shit is for the damn birds.

You Went To Baltimore To...

"Have biiiiiig fun with The Wretched!" I remember this episode of the Cosby show when Vanessa got busted, lying about spending the night at a friend's house instead she went to Baltimore to see a rock concert. I remember being shocked at the sight of Clair loosing her cool and jumping into Vanessa's face sternly telling her to go to bed, insinuating some thing physical may pop off if she did not move fast. I mean, just wow, calm cool and collected Clair Huxtable loose her cool like that?? Well, today I understood the motivation behind that.

I swear this has been a week of children gone crazy. First Lil Bit had an incident at school where she told a little girl she was going to, "beat her ass" not once but twice then got her butt sent up to the front to sit with the owner for refusing to share and starting to fight the child she was told to share with. Ahhhhh yeah, I tore that butt up when I got home and her teacher said she was such an angel the next day, she had to check to make sure she was still in the class room.


Just as I thought I was home free I got a bomb dropped on me when I went and picked up the boys. Apparently last week when I was in the Walmart with them shopping they took it upon themselves to steal a book and some Pokemon trading cards so they can have something to trade at school. They told their Dad they got the cards from a kid from school but when they were asked again by their step mother they told the truth and said they stole it from the store.

As I stood there my feet became rooted into the floor and it was a good thing because I was about to rush them, for real. Though they are entirely tooo old for a beating I was so angry I wanted to charge their asses and really lay one on them. At this moment I understood the disappointment and anger that a child's misdeeds can bring about in a parent to make them charge at them; at that moment I understood how even toned Clair Huxtable could charge at Vanessa.

Anyway... this has been a consistent problem with them, it seems as though there is an instance of theft on their part once out of the year, as this is an issue we have to revisit every year. Well, this time they are going to go through the process and experience what it is like to get caught stealing.

Their Dad called the store manager to make arrangements for them to bring their letters of apologies to Walmart and to go to security so they can get the"treatment" and feel the full experience, this will be in conjunction with having to volunteer at the store in efforts to pay for what they stole. The two of them will never see TV or a game in their life at this point and as a parent... I am still angry and highly disappointed. I no longer trust them to make good choices in terms of right and wrong. At this point I hope and pray they really learn a lesson this time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYpVzc3qunE



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oI7x-lA5Qnk

What Would You Do? Are You Willing To Take The Risk?

This question is courtesy of my baby cousin...

If guaranteed love was at the bottom of a pot of boiling water, would you reach in and get it? No, you cannot put on gloves or use tongs etc; you would actually have to go through the pain to get to that love. Would you be willing to go through the pain? Or would you let it pass you by possibly forever wondering what if? Or never experiencing love?

I have gotten some interesting answers thus far and wanted to know what the rest of the free world thought. My cousin felt that she would go crazy staring at love at the bottom of the pot that she would have no other choice but to reach in and get it...lol... so young, fresh and tender she is. Choc and I both agreed that it depended on who's love it is we would both be reaching for. Quite honestly we both feel you just don't want any one's love and not every one is worth going through certain "pains" just to obtain their love whether it is guaranteed or not. I guess experience changes your outlook on love and life in general.

Pondering on this question made me realize, who's love I would want and not want. I actually thought about love from certain folks at the bottom of that pot and let's just say when I thought about throwing the water down the drain in anticipation of the love going with it and turning on the garbage disposal to rid myself of it that was very revealing of what I felt for some people... or I could have cooked on it... used it as seasoning for a stew. See? That just lets me know I made the right choice in making sure certain situations don't go any further than where they are now.

Anyway... there was only one person that I would take that risk for therefore it is time for me to knock down the brick walls I have spent years building and let this person in. *Sigh* this is going to be such a challenge but with each passing day I feel more and more certain that he is worth it.

I know this may be a little deep but shit I am a thinker so I can't help but ponder, ponder a little more, discuss, hear others and ponder. Rani sorry if my philosophical conversation having ass gives you a headache but ya gotta love me! LOL!

Taking A Break...

I have such and enormous amount of work that needs to be done that my office looks like a file room troll came in here and threw files all over the place. The piles of files are beginning to trigger my anxiety and I need to get a good bulk of it out of the way by the end of today. Anyway the task of clearing the isht out has made me rather over whelmed and I decided to take a little break and blog, hence the title. Or, it could be prophetic of my blogging forecast for the 09 as Monday is the beginning of a new quarter for school. I am currently down to my last 5 classes and I am so excited about finally finishing a degree that I have been working on completing for a little over a decade. I am so excited that the fact of my having to take statistics (for the fifth time) next quarter is not even a concern for me, however I am in the process of searching for a tutor. So if any one knows of any math addicts please point me in their direction???

Anyway...

In conversation a few days ago my "friend" I will call him Choc (with his chocolate self) basically came out and said, " Lady, I need you!" I know that some times people tell others what they think they want to hear and people who really don't quickly figure out that I am not like every one else just end up putting me in safe mode when they come at me with stuff like that. Bottomline, don't tell me what you think i want to hear tell me the truth and let me make my choices from there.

Anyway no I did not probe into his feeling of need and why he needs me because if there is sincerity in the sentiment then I don't want to lessen it as I would not want any one to do that to me and I also know that it is often times hard for men to express their emotions in such a tender way. But it makes me wonder, do you NEED your partner want your partner or is it a combination of both?

I know that because of past experiences and the large shield of pride I carry with me I try my hardest not ask for nor depend on or need any one for anything, and for some one to come to me clearly stating they need me is like a red flag of sorts. Lawd, I suppose I have grown to become so cynical at such a young and tender age. LOL! I suppose time will reveal all.

In My Nakedness...

Naw it is not what you think. LOL! My nakedness is the equivalent to baring my soul and all things that I am feeling and thinking that go much, much deeper than the eye can see or the mind can imagine.

Anyway...

I know I have two broken relationships to mend which would be the relationships I have with my mother and my older sister. Mending broken relationships is hard as shit, especially when there never really was much of a relationship in place to begin with. Some times I often wondered do all broken relationships need to be mended?? Considering this is my family I suppose that answer would be a resounding yes.

In the last few therapy session we have discussed my older sister and my relationship with her at length. Releasing my thoughts, hurt, pains and anger about the things that we have said and done to one another over the years was therapeutic but it still leaves me at a cross roads of having to decide to try to make a real effort at mending things between her and I.

I am already working on making things better between my mother and I. I have taken a few baby steps towards that, which is work with in itself but to add just one more onto it that requires just as much work is rather over whelming.

It is not as though I dislike either because I don't, I love them both very much but the difference in personalities is often prevalent.

I came across my older sister on Facebook today and stopped cold of sending her a friend request. At first I felt uncomfortable at the thought of allowing her to come into my world and seeing who I am as a person completely and totally. I suppose the fear of judgement, criticism and reject are all looming in the air. It is funny how for the most part I could give two shits about what any one else thinks and can go on to do me but when it comes to my sister is seems as though I need to seek her approval... I don't understand it but I guess it will become more clear to me as I work through these issues.

Did not intend to start the first post of the new year off with a somber post none the less I am happy, highly blessed and thankful.