Tonight I have been reduced to blogging via my phone because good ole Comcast is having an outage. As I sit here in silence my Direct TV having neighbors are sitting back and watching our country's Commander and Chief talk about how our young men and women will train their Iraqi counter parts on how to protect and serve their homeland putting an end to a decade long war. I consistently pray about the state the country will be in when they return...to many people very little jobs...
Any way that is not what brought me to blog tonight. Pondering a situation is what is bringing me to a point of written expression.
There is this security guard at my job, which my mentor has given the nickname Young Gunz. Young Gunz has been feeling me for months now and when he asked me for my number I graciously declined because he is 10 years younger than I am, I have children, responsibilities and want a whole slew of other things that some one of his age just really is not ready to give. Today something happened and YG stepped his pursuit up a few notches. He called me to discuss the fact that early that afternoon I actually spoke more than two words to him. I found him to be a very smart, witty and intriguing young man...he is also persistent. He called me four times the second was just asking for a chance, third was to inform me that it may not be today, tomorrow or next week but I will give him my number and allow for him to take me on a date and the fourth was to tell me Mariah Carey doesn't have a problem with it. LOL! I have to give it to him he is funny and really sharp, a little to sharp.
Yet and still I don't know what to do. As my girlfriend pointed out I have dated younger dudes for most of my life with the exception of a few but look at the record though. It didn't work and if I just wanted sex then I could see this being a match made in heaven; but I am older, more settled and really looking to have something real and meaningful with someone I have a lot in common with (not to say YG and I have nothing in common). I don't know why I am even pondering this. It is not like twiddling my thumbs and being alone while I continue to wait for an ideal to come along is something I am not used to doing...I suppose if I have to I can do it a little longer. *Sigh* Honestly though it is getting rather old and I don't think I want to continue with the waiting. I swear if this was a Dear Abby letter I would sign it, Yours Truly- Curious and Conflicted.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
I Did IT!
The month of August has been such a long and busy month. I finally moved about two weeks ago. I have been working hard to get my things unpacked and settled. I thought I would not have a hard time adjusting to living on my own but I realize that it is going to take a while for me to get used to my new environment.
My first night in my new home I took a bold step and cut my hair off. I remember co washing in the shower and drying my hair afterward preparing to twist it so it could dry over night. I stood at the bathroom mirror just starring at my hair, not really wanting to twist it or do anything to it except for put some leave in conditioner in it and go to bed. Then I wondered what it all looked like underneath and thought it would not hurt at all to snip a few pieces from the front, after all if I did not like what I saw then I could always cover it up with a twisted style and one of my big head bands.
The best laid plans don't always pan out how you plan for them too. Needless to say once I cut that first piece I kept on cutting more and more until the only thing left were a few inches of naturally curly hair. I suppose I did what my heart really desired as I had been wanting to big chop for about a week by that point. I was so ready to deal with what was awaiting me underneath all that processed hair. It turned out to be slightly uneven so I ended up going to the Hair Cuttery to have it evened up. Most everyone that I came in contact with seemed to like the new look and I have gotten some suggestions to keep it short like this but I won't. I am excited for my hair to start growing out and to be able to wear twists, my natural curls and twisted updos...the possibilities excite me.
I found it rather funny how some people don't understand the whole process of going from relaxed to natural (or going natural period). I know it may seem that every one is doing it across the country but every one has their own personal reasons for doing it and for what ever reason that is it should be respected. It is funny how most of us have been trained to become reliant on chemical straitening, which is fine if that is what you prefer but come on folks don't push the creamy crack on others like you a damn crack dealer losing your profits because folks are deciding to go to rehab ( it has recently been reported that relaxer sales are down). LOL!
Anyway...For some reason I truly feel as though I have walked into a weird season that is bringing about a lot of major life changes for me. I feel as though I am coming into my own, being more of myself and doing more of the things that I want to do and not really being too concerned with the opinions of others (not that I was concerned in the first place).
My friend, Cylia posted a quote of her blog, "If you have accomplished all that you have planned for yourself, you have not planned enough.-Meddigo Message" and it really struck a cord with me. I have accomplished so many things over the last two years that I have been feeling a little lost as if I have entirely too much time on my hands but nothing really productive to do with it. It seems as though I sit down to plan additional things I would like to accomplish I completely draw a blank. But I know, that I know that I know that I have not planned enough and some times I feel as though I am wasting precious time. Maybe I need to have God order my steps on this one...
Have blessed day folks.
My first night in my new home I took a bold step and cut my hair off. I remember co washing in the shower and drying my hair afterward preparing to twist it so it could dry over night. I stood at the bathroom mirror just starring at my hair, not really wanting to twist it or do anything to it except for put some leave in conditioner in it and go to bed. Then I wondered what it all looked like underneath and thought it would not hurt at all to snip a few pieces from the front, after all if I did not like what I saw then I could always cover it up with a twisted style and one of my big head bands.
The best laid plans don't always pan out how you plan for them too. Needless to say once I cut that first piece I kept on cutting more and more until the only thing left were a few inches of naturally curly hair. I suppose I did what my heart really desired as I had been wanting to big chop for about a week by that point. I was so ready to deal with what was awaiting me underneath all that processed hair. It turned out to be slightly uneven so I ended up going to the Hair Cuttery to have it evened up. Most everyone that I came in contact with seemed to like the new look and I have gotten some suggestions to keep it short like this but I won't. I am excited for my hair to start growing out and to be able to wear twists, my natural curls and twisted updos...the possibilities excite me.
I found it rather funny how some people don't understand the whole process of going from relaxed to natural (or going natural period). I know it may seem that every one is doing it across the country but every one has their own personal reasons for doing it and for what ever reason that is it should be respected. It is funny how most of us have been trained to become reliant on chemical straitening, which is fine if that is what you prefer but come on folks don't push the creamy crack on others like you a damn crack dealer losing your profits because folks are deciding to go to rehab ( it has recently been reported that relaxer sales are down). LOL!
Anyway...For some reason I truly feel as though I have walked into a weird season that is bringing about a lot of major life changes for me. I feel as though I am coming into my own, being more of myself and doing more of the things that I want to do and not really being too concerned with the opinions of others (not that I was concerned in the first place).
My friend, Cylia posted a quote of her blog, "If you have accomplished all that you have planned for yourself, you have not planned enough.-Meddigo Message" and it really struck a cord with me. I have accomplished so many things over the last two years that I have been feeling a little lost as if I have entirely too much time on my hands but nothing really productive to do with it. It seems as though I sit down to plan additional things I would like to accomplish I completely draw a blank. But I know, that I know that I know that I have not planned enough and some times I feel as though I am wasting precious time. Maybe I need to have God order my steps on this one...
Have blessed day folks.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
What Do Men Really Think?
Teach and I were talking a few weeks ago and I was all up in the video cam trying to fix my hair and he was like, "ok what gives? Your hair is fine." I then revealed to him that I was going natural, I was not yet comfortable with the transition piece of it and I wanted to make sure my hair looked nice. This sparked a conversation about his preference for women with natural hair and how he likes natural hair better. Now, it is not that I wrote him off or any thing...ok so I did think he was trying to make me feel better and comfortable with the whole process. Buuut I am beginning to think not so much.
Early this afternoon one of our techs came down stairs to visit my group (everyone LOVES HR)and when he saw me he went straight for my hair. He started playing in my curls. I was like ok, I know we are cool like that but ummm really lay off the curls. This lead to a conversation about a man's preference of how women wear their hair. His stance was most men like women with unprocessed hair because they can play in it with out having to hear complaints of messing the hair up. He said that he got into a debate on some forum about the subject and the women seem to think that men like hair weaves, long straight and silky relaxer hair, but him and some of his boys are like negative.
I can honestly say that the men I have dated loved that my hair was long, it was thick and it was straight...hell they were just happy that my hair was real. I had an ex that used to get upset when I cut or colored my hair...so I cut it and colored it more. LOL! Anyway, I ask the men out in the world, how do you like for a woman's hair to be? Natural? Relaxed? Weave? What's your pleasure?
Early this afternoon one of our techs came down stairs to visit my group (everyone LOVES HR)and when he saw me he went straight for my hair. He started playing in my curls. I was like ok, I know we are cool like that but ummm really lay off the curls. This lead to a conversation about a man's preference of how women wear their hair. His stance was most men like women with unprocessed hair because they can play in it with out having to hear complaints of messing the hair up. He said that he got into a debate on some forum about the subject and the women seem to think that men like hair weaves, long straight and silky relaxer hair, but him and some of his boys are like negative.
I can honestly say that the men I have dated loved that my hair was long, it was thick and it was straight...hell they were just happy that my hair was real. I had an ex that used to get upset when I cut or colored my hair...so I cut it and colored it more. LOL! Anyway, I ask the men out in the world, how do you like for a woman's hair to be? Natural? Relaxed? Weave? What's your pleasure?
The Haps!
There has been plenty going on with me for the last few weeks and I have so many blog entries to write but I just really have not felt like it. Does that ever happen to you? You have something to write but don't really feel like writing it? Ok anyway, I am moving this week. I am some what excited but for the most part I am anxious to get it done already. I hate being in a state of limbo when it comes to the major things in life (home, finance, relationship and health) but I suppose I can hold on for a day or two.
I can say that looking back over my life I am in a state of pure happiness and really feeling like I am coming into my true self. I am not sure if it is personal growth or old age but I am finding that I grow more and more less phased by the little things and some big things in life; which has left me feeling foot loose and fancy free.
Speaking of free, I am leaning more towards cutting the relaxer out of my hair with each passing day ( I have about 3 inches of new growth). I think I have come up on the island of I don't care and I am about to make a spot on I will deal with what lies underneath cove.:)We will see what the results are after my meeting with my line sister (who is a hair stylist) on Thursday. Job promotion, new home, new do??? Sounds good to me.
Moving along...
I called myself going on a Face Book fast until after I moved. I felt it would free up more time to pray, reflect and really seek after God; I have been doing all that for the most part.I have also stopped doing a few other things that usurp a lot of time as well. What I learned from all of this so far is, I have PLENTY of down time at work. LOL! I think it also fueled the fire that is my You Tube addiction. I have been spending more time than usual on You Tube looking at natural hair care and make up tutorials, along with playing with my hair (my hair is new to me). But no lie I do miss Face Book. I miss it! The first two days were horrible I was literally at my desk shaking from withdrawal and I HAD to pray just to make it through the day and the night. In writing this I am like OMG how can something so simple as Face Book become such an addiction?? It's the games... those games will hook and sink you.
Tech...he and I have been talking as often as we can considering the time difference (he's in the Netherlands now) he guaranteed me that he was coming home next month and has actually began the process of looking for an apartment. Even though it feels like the "process" has been placed on hold for us, I am thankful that things have gone the way they did. I kind of feel that if he were here all this time then I would not be as focused on the things that I need to focus on for trying to put my time and energy in developing something with him. With him being over seas I have been in a totally different mind set, along with us having to communicate via Skype whenever we can so I guess that has put me in a good place. Tech on the other hand...I get the impression that he is full throttle and ready to see if this is going to work out between us...poor thing can't wait to get home. :-) LOL! None the less this period has been good for us because we have been able to really get to know how the other really is (some what) with out the pressure and label that comes with dating and being in a relationship.
Ok, I will be back with more entries. I have a few products to talk about and I have an interesting discussion topic so stay tuned.
I can say that looking back over my life I am in a state of pure happiness and really feeling like I am coming into my true self. I am not sure if it is personal growth or old age but I am finding that I grow more and more less phased by the little things and some big things in life; which has left me feeling foot loose and fancy free.
Speaking of free, I am leaning more towards cutting the relaxer out of my hair with each passing day ( I have about 3 inches of new growth). I think I have come up on the island of I don't care and I am about to make a spot on I will deal with what lies underneath cove.:)We will see what the results are after my meeting with my line sister (who is a hair stylist) on Thursday. Job promotion, new home, new do??? Sounds good to me.
Moving along...
I called myself going on a Face Book fast until after I moved. I felt it would free up more time to pray, reflect and really seek after God; I have been doing all that for the most part.I have also stopped doing a few other things that usurp a lot of time as well. What I learned from all of this so far is, I have PLENTY of down time at work. LOL! I think it also fueled the fire that is my You Tube addiction. I have been spending more time than usual on You Tube looking at natural hair care and make up tutorials, along with playing with my hair (my hair is new to me). But no lie I do miss Face Book. I miss it! The first two days were horrible I was literally at my desk shaking from withdrawal and I HAD to pray just to make it through the day and the night. In writing this I am like OMG how can something so simple as Face Book become such an addiction?? It's the games... those games will hook and sink you.
Tech...he and I have been talking as often as we can considering the time difference (he's in the Netherlands now) he guaranteed me that he was coming home next month and has actually began the process of looking for an apartment. Even though it feels like the "process" has been placed on hold for us, I am thankful that things have gone the way they did. I kind of feel that if he were here all this time then I would not be as focused on the things that I need to focus on for trying to put my time and energy in developing something with him. With him being over seas I have been in a totally different mind set, along with us having to communicate via Skype whenever we can so I guess that has put me in a good place. Tech on the other hand...I get the impression that he is full throttle and ready to see if this is going to work out between us...poor thing can't wait to get home. :-) LOL! None the less this period has been good for us because we have been able to really get to know how the other really is (some what) with out the pressure and label that comes with dating and being in a relationship.
Ok, I will be back with more entries. I have a few products to talk about and I have an interesting discussion topic so stay tuned.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Tired and Frustrated (Hair Rant)
Ok, I know I have neglected the blog but I have had a lot of things to do in regards to my move next week (like packing and organizing)that I have not really given a thought to the blog.
But I am getting tired of my hair and this whole transition period. My transitional styles do not come out right because my relaxed hair is equivalent to pony hair at this point and it is racking my nerves. I so want to just cut it all off but I am afraid of what lies underneath and I am afraid of not having many styling options.
I am not craving or itching to relax my hair I just don't want to deal with two textures any more....just ugh! My sister keeps on trying to urge me to wait a few more months before I cut it all off but I don't think I can. Is my impatience rearing it's ugly head or am I really to the point where I am ready to cut it all off??? I hate this!
But I am getting tired of my hair and this whole transition period. My transitional styles do not come out right because my relaxed hair is equivalent to pony hair at this point and it is racking my nerves. I so want to just cut it all off but I am afraid of what lies underneath and I am afraid of not having many styling options.
I am not craving or itching to relax my hair I just don't want to deal with two textures any more....just ugh! My sister keeps on trying to urge me to wait a few more months before I cut it all off but I don't think I can. Is my impatience rearing it's ugly head or am I really to the point where I am ready to cut it all off??? I hate this!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Hair and Skin (Product Reviews)
I'm mad. I think I am partly mad at myself and partly mad at Johnson & Johnson for making a boot leg product. I am talking about their Clean and Clear 3 in 1 foaming facial wash and their Deep Cleaning Astringent. At this moment I have a rash on my face from it. As soon as I smelled how fragrant it was I immediately knew that nothing good was going to come of it but I kept up hope. After all it was not going to be an on going thing as I was going to eventually go to Macy's and purchase the Clinque Acne Solutions products (the foundation is great) that I love so much and that work so well on my skin (all thumbs up on this one the). Ok back to bootleg clean and clear (so bootleg I did not properly write the name), so not only was the product to fragrant it did not foam like a foaming face wash should and the astringent is entirely too strong. They do have sensitive formula but I don't even want to risk it. Thank God it is pay day this past Friday and I was able to high tail it over to Macy's to get my stuff; now all is right in my world (will be once this painful rash goes away). Since I don't like wasting money I will use the supposed foaming facial wash to wash the foundation off of my hands after I apply it to my face (apply foundations with my hands is better than using a sponge).
I have been sampling two different hair products; coconut oil and Oyin Handmade whipped pudding. I LOVED the coconut oil, it was not heavy on my hair but it also moisturized it as well. Oyin Handmade was rather good. I can't say I used it all over my head but I used it on one portion of my hair and it seemed to have had good control over the frizz in the section that I had placed it on I like it, thus far.
I have not had any kind of chemical treatment for going on 4 months and I kind of feel myself approaching the point to where I want to just cut all the relaxer out of my hair (aka the big chop). I think I am going to give it another couple of months before I do that because I am scared. I have zero clue what my hair is going to be like or how it is going to act after I cut the length off. Yeah, I know it is just hair and it will grow back but it is a different texture of hair that I will be learning how to work with and what I don't want to happen is for me to cut it all off and then I won't be able to do much of anything with it. I don't want it to enter into the Bush Wick Bill or Sheep's behind looking territory (that is my biggest fear).
Hmmmmmm I don't know maybe I will do something impulsive and just do it and deal with it accordingly. After all there are wigs and weaves and luck would have it that one of my girlfriend's is going back home to India in a few weeks and she is going to cop me some weave while she is over there (cross fingers). Hey, I am not perfect and I will always have a back up option.
I have been sampling two different hair products; coconut oil and Oyin Handmade whipped pudding. I LOVED the coconut oil, it was not heavy on my hair but it also moisturized it as well. Oyin Handmade was rather good. I can't say I used it all over my head but I used it on one portion of my hair and it seemed to have had good control over the frizz in the section that I had placed it on I like it, thus far.
I have not had any kind of chemical treatment for going on 4 months and I kind of feel myself approaching the point to where I want to just cut all the relaxer out of my hair (aka the big chop). I think I am going to give it another couple of months before I do that because I am scared. I have zero clue what my hair is going to be like or how it is going to act after I cut the length off. Yeah, I know it is just hair and it will grow back but it is a different texture of hair that I will be learning how to work with and what I don't want to happen is for me to cut it all off and then I won't be able to do much of anything with it. I don't want it to enter into the Bush Wick Bill or Sheep's behind looking territory (that is my biggest fear).
Hmmmmmm I don't know maybe I will do something impulsive and just do it and deal with it accordingly. After all there are wigs and weaves and luck would have it that one of my girlfriend's is going back home to India in a few weeks and she is going to cop me some weave while she is over there (cross fingers). Hey, I am not perfect and I will always have a back up option.
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