Something New..

No, this is not going to be an entry about interracial dating... though I did tell myself that if things did not work out with the person I was seeing that is an option I would explore, yet and still I digress.

Anyway...

My girlfriends and I were having a conversation on our message board about learning new things. So as a way of holding one another accountable for the things we really wanted to try to get out and learn we decided make lists.

I had to take time to sit and think about what I really wanted to take a stab at learning because I have done so much with in my 31 years on this Earth.

Finally I figured that I would:

- Learn how to become a fashionista. My style in short is some what plain and I have entirely to many curves to be walking out the house looking plain Jane most times. Most times I can't put together an outfit with out consulting my LSN fashion team (Love ya ladies!).

- Though I can understand Spanish (I understand most languages... I want to know if you talkin about me) my conversational Spanish needs work. I also want to learn how to speak French as well.

- I love baking so I want to perfect that craft and increase my knowledge of cake making and decorating. I also want to learn how to make more pastries and desserts. At this moment I think I am going to start working on my rum soaked walnut fudge brownies.

- I want to learn how to play chess. All the folks who said they would sit down and teach me have yet to do so. I think I need to start a harassment list so I can get some cooperation and assistance.

- I want to learn more about art. Years ago I took an Eastern Asian art class... from what I remember I liked it and I have a some what old friend who has sparked my interest for the arts.

- I want to learn how to Hand Dance and Chicago Step.

- I want to learn how to sing better... yes I can sing (especially when I am in pain) but I have good moments and bad moments. I prefer all my moments to be good ones. :)

- I also want to learn more about Jazz. I took an Intro to Jazz class years ago thinking it was going to be one of those BS classes, not. My professor made me WORK for that A none the less I had fun, loved it and it sparked a serious interest I have yet to pursue further.

Dag so much to learn well I better get busy with it.

Tell me, what new thing (s) do you want to learn?

Procrastination Strikes Again

Yes, yes, yeas, yessss. I am up at midnight not because I cannot sleep but because once again my ass was procrastination on school work, therefore I had to literally burn the midnight oil and get my work done and turned in before mid night.

I don't know what my issue is nor do I have a clue as to why I continue to push the things I can get done today off until tomorrow, to the next day, the day after that, the day after that day on up until hours before it needs to be done.

Maybe this is why I struggle in certain areas with in my life because I consistently put things off until the last minute. I sometimes don't say the things that I should really say because I put them off to avoid train wrecks, using my emotional explosion as a prime example things get messier and more hurtful than a dang on potential train wreck.

The older I get the worse my procrastination seems to get... I once found a twelve step program for procrastinators... yeah in fact it was Procrastinator's Anonymous (do they have an anonymous for everything??). I might have to revisit joining because putting things off is interfering with my sleep and the quality of my work among other things.

Ahhh hell now my adrinaline is still pumping from last minute school work I won't be falling off to sleep for a while.

Ladies, Appropriate Panties Please???

Ok, ladies some of you all need to do better. When you leave the house you need to leave with the appropriate kind of panties or some of you might want to also throw some Lycra on them thighs.

I should not be subjected to jiggle, wedgies and all kinds of craziness coming into my eyes sight because you did not do your due diligence as a female and wear appropriate panties with your outfits. I should not know that you have on hot pink panties with leopard print om the edges... the world don't need to know nor see. Can we say flesh tone? Nude, chocolate, black and tan are all available, they also have seamless, wedgies less and suck you tummy in kinds as well. Pick the right one for you situation. They also have boys shorts, thongs, g-string, tanga, Cheeky panties, bikini, briefs, low rise, high cut, french cut, and commando TAKE YA pick. Once again use what ever is appropriate for your situation.

Please note this advice is coming from a thick sistah with a huge booty therefore I know what I speak of. Know better and do better. If you are going to wear tight, yeast infection brewing pants, either wear no panties or go thong or g-string. Dresses, wear something seamless that controls the wiggle and jiggle and that is flesh tone for those of you like me who don't wear slips. SOME of you just need to forgo panties and put on a straight Lycra girdle... yeah the kind that smooths from stomach to right about the knee. It gives you a smooth look and holds everything together.

Now if you get like me sometimes, don't care too much if it jiggles, don't want no lines or discomfort go commando... but be prepared for stares, gasp and comments from men and women alike.

Ok that is my PSA for the week.

On a lighter note... I love boots and the season for boots is quickly approaching so I have been on the prowl for my boot picks to last me through the fall and winter months...

Though the boots pictured above are more my style, for some reason I am highly attracted to these two pairs of boots...

My I have no clue as to what I would do with them as I have nothing to wear them with nor does there seam to be anyone I would specifically wear them for... I am contemplating on getting them and putting then in the just in case I need them for something pile. Mmmmmmm...

Lazy Weekend...

This is the first weekend in ever that I have not had to get up early, get children ready and hit the streets. Nor do I have numerous places to go, things to do and people to see. It is just one of those rare relaxed weekends where I wake up late and for the most part lay in the bed.

Though this morning my spirits were saddened as I logged on to be greeted by news that Actor/Comedian Bernie Mac had died at the age of 50 (R.I.P)... my goodness he was younger than my father. The news of his death put things into perspective for me... sigh.

Basically, I some what had the house to myself so I went and cleaned the kitchen while my Dad road my daughter around on the lawn mower this morning. When she came in the house tired and hungry I saw an opportunity to crawl back in the bed and veg out while she napped. After moving my car so my Dad could power wash it (Thank God for Daddies) I put her down got on the phone with my girlfriend, watched Twister (love natural disaster movies) and discussed ideas for her impending wedding...yeah I vegged out and then took a nap.

I was so caught up in the relaxation and laziness of the day that I forgot I had committed myself to going out with the Minister tonight for some fun. We agreed we would go out more often so I can help him stay out of trouble...LOL! We were supposed to go bowling but I have no child care lined up and I am being rather lazy today so we will be postponing our plans until next weekend (my child free weekend. YES!). It's all good he just prolonged an ass whippin that's all (damn cussed again).

Now, I am just blogging, procrastinating on school work, chillin and as always thinking, thinking, thinking. I was praying Thursday night and Friday morning I woke up with a song in my head that for some reason I can't get out. It is still rolling around in my head, instead of trying to figure out why it is there or what it means I figured I would find comfort in it and post it for everyone else to enjoy.

BeBe and CeCe Winans- Lost With Out You

Emotional Explosion...

I learned some thing about myself today, that with some people I have a tendency to set myself aside to make them feel comfortable and to hopefully bring them happiness, often times at my own expense. Then to top it off I repress my feelings about things or even sit back quietly when my feelings are dismissed when I do express them and then that stuff festers...

Today I had reached my limit and I let out all that I was feeling, every bit of anger, resentment and hurt that I have incurred with in a particular situation came flowing out. Did it come out in a tactful manner (like I was trying to have it come out)? Nope sure did not. Do I feel bad? Hayle no I don't feel bad. I was stating how I feel in away so the person I stated it too could really have an appreciation for what I have been thinking and feeling for the past 3 months.

Granted in all likelihood they may not take it in the manner I expect for them to but the most important thing is, I got it out and I feel better. Ahhhhhhhhhhh...

I know now that I need to work on a medium between nice and keeping it way to real. I need to realize if the person really cares and loves me then they won't leave or be too too mad because I expressed the way that I felt.

I also realized that there are some people who care enough about others to really try to compromise so both people in the situation get what they want or at least make sure that both the people feel the way they should feel, then there are those who just don't give a damn just as long as everything is their way.

Mhm, life and bullshit, life and bullshit.

Cleaning Is...

Good for the soul and laughter is good for the spirit. I finally got a chance to do both tonight. Cleaning keeps me busy, keeps me moving and it also clears my mind so I can think more clearly. It is just something about focusing on scrubbing, wiping, folding and/or vacuuming that takes me to a serene place. Shoot, I feel so euphoric I might offer to fly to the Chi just to clean over at my girlfriends....sike. LOL! I still love ya Ma!

As I was cleaning I began to think about how my left eye had stopped twitching (which means my stress level was greatly decreasing) and that I was long over due for a fun vacation. My friend offered to let me use his time share and I seriously think I am going to take him up on it. I am going to put in for a few days off, grab a friend, hit the road and do what it do. I am physically, emotionally and mentally tired so it will be nice to go away, have some fun and come back refreshed with a renewed mind.

It feels so good to have a good laugh as well. I have been laughing all evening but it is not that deep down side gut hurting kind of laughter, that is the kind of laughter I need right now. I am waiting for my usual nightly phone call so I can get my laugh on. Folks is running a little behind schedule and they must hurry up because I need some entertainment. LOL!

Hugs and kisses are good too. I used to have a co worker who would always hug me when he saw I was having a bad/stressful day (naw nothing like that). He always seemed to know exactly when I needed a hug. I miss those days... I could really use a huge hug right now.

I had a small victory tonight. My sister was aggravating me yet again and because we were preparing for dinner with the family I refrained from cussing her out. So instead I threatened to knock her out, cut her with a knife and then leave her ass in the hospital (she has a phobia of hospitals) that took care of all of that. Hey! It worked. Shoot, got her to come upstairs, give my daughter a bath and put her to bed...LOL! She knows my other side, my alter ego which I refer to as Shaunel (or as my daughter's father sweetly puts it Shanigga)... yep don't get on my bad side. Just leave me alone and/or walk lightly around me.

ROFL! Rereading that whole paragraph made me laugh... yeah I needed that.

Yeah, yeah, so young, so violent but only when provoked. :)

Emotional Roller Coaster...

I am tired of riding the emotional roller coaster. The consistent (and frequent) ups and downs just give me heartache and leaves me with a strong sense of uncertainty, like things are not good and so unstable.

It is aggravating when men talk big isht yet they don't back up their words with action. They claim they care but can't even show that is how they really feel. I never had a real understanding as to why people act as if one cares or act as if one really wants to be with a person. Ok, I have a few guesses 1) either they are just holding a person there for the sex or for what they feel they can get out of them or, 2) they are holding that person there and still seeking out other potential women to see if anything better comes along. Could be wrong but maybe that is me and my twisted thinking. I suppose when see other wise then I will change my thought process.

All I know is I don't like feeling what I am feeling and I truly don't like the feeling of unhappiness either. I don't like the consistent pattern of things and I never liked roller coasters especially emotional ones. Don't like doing most of the compromising and bending only to feel used in the end.

I continue to wonder why I even still feel what I feel for this person, especially when actions and feelings are not reciprocated. What is the point of putting anything into a situation you are barely going to get anything out of? Mmmm I suppose that was the whole point about the let's just "date" thing so he would not have do all that. It just really feels like everything was faked and the thought, the feeling of that is making me sick to my stomach.

I am really pissed today more so at myself for going against my better judgement and not protecting my heart and feelings from the start. I swear sometimes I feel like I am dealing with a smaller version of... never mind...

It's all good though I get it... I see the big picture rather clearly...