Ramblings

Today is officially the last day or week of my 5 week Marketing class. Woot! Woot! I am so happy that this is over. I feel like I have mental burn out, which is leading me to take the next quarter off and start back up with a blast in the Spring by taking three classes (full time course load) and then finishing up my last two classes in the summer so I can call it done and over with. Well I necessarily can't say I will be done, I will be getting a Masters preferably in Organizational Development, then I can say I DONE.

Anyway...

I am awaiting the start of my vacation. I have my plans set and my folks are ready to go out and chill with me. I have so many friends that I have not been able to hook up with in eons so it will be nice to sit back, relax, eat, drink and catch up on things. I love spending time with my girls it seems to bring a balance back to my life which basically consists of work, school, kids, church and sorors. I suppose I can throw in the complications of a person that says the right things but can't seem to match actions with his words but considering my thoughts and feelings on that and what I ultimately have decided to do about that situation I am not even going to consider it a life factor. Hey, what can I say? It is what it is.


Now, I noticed that every time I get on the phone my daughter feels the need to be up under me and want to hold conversations with me. I am looking at her like I am on the phone. The only time she seems to leave me alone is if her Dad and I are speaking other wise it is, "Mommy, Mommy MOMMY!"

Like last night I was on the phone talking to an acquaintance and this chick starts screaming at the top of her lungs. I wanted to slap her, she knows better than that. Why do they do that? This is one reason why I am anticipating a move next year because we all are in need of our own space.

Per This Conversation...

My mind is officially gone!

Me: Hey D! It's Lady, I am trying to put out your offer but I need the name of the contract in order to draft the letter and it is not located on the requisition. Call me.

Two hours later...

D: Hey Lady! What's up?

Me: I need the contract name to put out your offer.

D: Are you having one of those days? You must be having one of THOSE days. Go back, look at the email.

Me: Ugh?! What are you talking about?!

D: Go back look at the email and laugh.

Me: Ok, I got the email andddddd DAMN! It's right there! It wasn't there when I looked at it, where the hell did that come from.

D: Just laugh! Don't say nothing! Juuust laugh!

My mind is just gone... vacation come now.

Knotted Up

My neck is knotted up and it is causing a shooting pain on one side of my head, ouch. I am thinking that a full body massage would do the trick but I don't like being touched. I have conditioned myself to be touched and not feel uncomfortable with it in two situations; if I am in a relationship with some one and when I am showing affection to my children besides that don't touch me. At this point the thought of some one I don't know (or even do know) touching me like that is making me... shudder.

I don't know, I think this is one of those things that I will just have to go and do with out thinking. Yeah, I will go get it done and see how I feel... I am sitting here laughing at myself, I can get a full brazilian bikini wax with no issue but I can't stand to get a full body massage.

I need to stop belly aching about it and just go do it; massage, wax and all.

Common Sense...

Does not exist any more.

You are offered a job, your letter was sent to you via email and Fed Ex. If you fail to send in your signed acceptance letter and take your drug, would you think to show up at your "new job" on the Monday you are slated to start and still expect to get paid? Would you still expect for the benefits center to have your stuff ready to go?

You apply for a job and provide no email address, home address or zip code; if you were to be contacted for an interview or offered employment how else are we to get a hold of you for further processing or to address any issues that may come up?

If you have an alternative address and did not state that is the address you want all correspondence to go to then, why are you complaining when it ends up going to the address you provided? I mean if you provided it as the primary and only address then that is where you must want all correspondence to be sent to. Right?


If you send me an email asking me how the order of approvers should go and I tell you that it is just a paper everyone is signing it does not matter just as long as the signatures are on there and you email me back stating usually you follow the order as rendered by your process; than why in the hell did you ask ME?! Did you know you all were not supposed to be signing the form any way?

There are a growing number of people doing things such as the above. I don't know if people have gotten entirely to lazy to think, if they were absent the day common sense was given out or if they really just don't care but this is ridiculous.

I can't wait for COB Dec. 19Th that is when my vacation officially starts. Thank you JESUS!

For The First Time I Cried...

I was talking to the The Minister this evening and just explaining to him somethings that I have going on with me and with in my life (work, school, kids, preparing to buy a house etc;). In our conversation I was reflecting on how now I see why I had to go through the things I have gone through and I see how even though there have been times where I felt God was not there, he was and is. His hand has been in everything from the beginning and I am certain it will be until the very end.

As I was really telling him how good God has truly been to me and how I understand when people say they have a testimony, I began to cry. I was not crying out of sadness, it was more so because God has been so good and I am happy. I feel no pain nor sorrow but I am in a state of true peace. Yeah, I get frustrated and upset but those things or people only bother me for a second. In the end I am really, truly happy. I have not felt this level of happiness in well over 7 years.

Now that I chose to be happy, I have a much better appreciation for it.

Therapy Session

Tonight was my first of what will be many therapy sessions. I must say that I did feel a whole lot better after discussing the things that I discussed with her. It felt good to finally say a few things out loud and get them off of my chest. It was also good to pin point where the anger stemmed from and what causes me to have angry out bursts at times.

We set some pretty good goals, one being for me to start trying to mend things with my Mom. She felt it was to ambitious of her to set the goal of my mother and I being "close" and I agreed with her whole heartedly. I am not sure if it is possible to be "close" to some one who has physically, emotionally and verbally abused you for most of your life. Is it? Who knows? For now I told her I will commit to calling her once a month and we can see what happens from there as time progresses.


Aside from it being a good session I was beginning to feel a little self conscious. I noticed that when I was sitting there talking she was just writing away and my curious behind was wondering what the hell she was writing?? Was she writing something that would be significant to my healing process? When will she reveal this wonderful solution to all my problems? Was she drawing? Doodling? Or, was she writing, "this chic is straight crazy and extremely angry. Is potentially dangerous." ??

To Much Time On My Hands... What To Do?

Yesterday I received an email from the president of my fine company informing employees that we were to take a mandatory two week vacation at the end of the month in order to save money. :-I

Some extra notice would have been nice but by all means I am not mad at this at all. I mean I could use a mental break but that is entirely to much time. I am also glad they are doing this in lieu of lay offs and at the end of the vacation I still have a job to go back to. BUT, what am I to do with two weeks of no work???

What would you do if you had two paid weeks off? I need not allow for this idle mind to become the Devil's workshop.