Mean Girls

First I'd like to thank Rashad for the link he sent to me. She was really informative and helpful and the link further aided me in my You Tube addiction. Just pray for me people.

Well I would say that I am going to do a blog specifically to chronical my journey to natural hairdom (nappural I thin they call it) but I am not. I will lightly season this blog with the subject here and there. After all this blog is supposed to be about all the whimsical things and experiences that happen within my life and I suppose this is an experience. Plus I have known people to chronicle their hair journey and it seemed more like a big proclamation, like they are the first person in the whole wide world to stand up and say, "STOP! NO MORE CHEMICALS!" when in reality they aren't and to me it is not that big of a deal. I am not going to proclaim it I am just going to do it and know that I am doing it to have healthier, better hair (my edges are growing back in yeahhhh).


Moving on...

With every journey I start I have a period of reflection to the things that have brought me to the point to where I decided to make a change. During my reflection I came across a memory from junior high school. There was this girl in my class who was African and her hair was natural, never, ever in her life had a perm. It was of course noticeable but no one ever spoke on it until we were in the locker room changing clothes for third period PE class. One of my class mates rolled up to ole girl and told her that she needed a relaxer. Africa was resistant to it (more so her mom was like no) but collectively one by one we began to gang up on her and get into her thoughts and subsequently made her self conscious by taunting her about the unrelaxed state of her hair. Some people called her nappy (back then it was embarrassing to be called nappy) and others just straight out told her she should just go ahead and get the damn relaxer so the rest of us would shut up... I remember one dude rolled up to her and said, "Your hair is nappy just get the relaxer". *face in hands*

A few weeks later what do you know, ole girl went and got herself a boxed perm and slapped it in her head and came to school with as my girlfriend would say looking like she got her butter whipped. Everyone was like oh you are so cute and your hair looks so nice (she looked nice already) etc; but over the years I could see for myself why they called it the "creamy crack" because if it was time for a touch up this chick would freak out. It was like she had the touch up date and time marked on the calender and any time after that would be catastrophic....

Wow, ain't peer pressure a bytch but seriously as a 33 year old woman looking back on this I can say I feel some sort of shame (yeah I was in on the taunting). I mean how dare we as teenagers have the say on what is beautiful and what wasn't? How dare we pressure this girl to change who she was and was fine with being? In some ways I kind of feel like we set her on the same path that our mother's/granmother's/hairdressers set us on when they decided to put relaxers in our hair, only for a few of us to come back around and be like ok chuck this we are going back to basics. Some times I often wonder what her hair is like now. I know if we ever come face to face and if she is sporting patches, a receding hairline, hair thinning and/or baldness I am going to just be sick over it. You hear me? Simply sick! LOL!


This memory reminded me of when I went to the Dominican salon for a "sexy blow out" and the stylist was acting like she could not get my hair straight for anything. She kept on blowing it out and flat ironing it and telling me that I needed a texturizer and that the heat would boil my hair. I figured what could the texturizer really hurt after all it was just a mild perm, take a little of the curl out. Well the choice to do that was all shame on me. Why? I went to cosmetology school; for three years hair, skin and nails was my life and to this day I still retain this information. In my still carrying this information around with me I allowed for these chicks to taunt me into doing something I knew I really did not want to do and should not have done. I guess my best excuse right now is that I was trained to work with straight and processed hair. In my years of training we learned about unprocessed hair but we never took the time to work with it nor learn how to handle it. Yep, that explanation will do.

Any way, I went home yesterday fit to be tied because my hair was so crispy that all I heard was snap, crackle and pop at every turn. I was on a natural hair care forum and some one suggested Cantu leave in conditioner Creme. I picked the conditioner up and tried my routine all over again and it worked. I liked the results and I think I will stick with what I am doing until I get to point where I want to cut my hair.


I will probably write another blog tonight about some funny isht that happened to me, provided I can remember it by the time I get home. Until then you all have a very blessed evening. MUAH!

Au Naturale...

So I decided a few months ago that no matter what I do or how I feel, I would stop relaxing my hair. So when I first started this journey of growing the relaxer out I figured I could just get a texturizer so my hair can be more manageable, negative. I hate the damn texturizer and I just need to go cold turkey on this one. So I am sucking it up and trying different transitional styles a long the way.

Slight confession, I saw a woman at my job with a low cut and a fade on the sides. It cross my mind for all of 5 minutes to have my head shaved off and rock a fade but I remembered the large dent I have on the back of my head, I remembered that I like having long hair and just figured it would be an all around no.

Ok, moving on...

So I have tried co washing tonight with Suave Humectant conditioner/sealed with olive oil- two thumbs up, tried herbal essence totally twisted gel- two thumbs down, two strand twist set on spiral rods- two thumbs up.

Real quick, the conditioner was great, the style is cute but the gel is horrible left my hair crispy and crunchy. I hope it looks cute in the morning and not matted that way I can make it through the work day and come home to do it all over again and hopefully I can get it right. So to add insult to injury I used a QP Ice, Paul Mitchell skinny serum and some Natural oasis. Sooooo not only do I have crunchy crispy hair it is a smide on the oily side. FML.


Ok so I am going to stop complaining. I will do it over and over again until I get it right. I will be utilizing this style for a while because I like it just that much. So if any one has any product recommendation please drop it in the comment box. Thanks a million and good night.

Parental Woes...

There is something that automatically triggers in a parent from the time you find out your bundle of joy will be arrive. Everything changes and you slowly begin to prepare for you baby to arrive. You do everything you think you should do, what your doctor tells you to do and avoid the things you aren't supposed to do in hopes that your baby will come out with a good spirit and health that will follow them all through their life.

I can say when Lil Bit was born she screamed for hours (until they let me hold her), she had ten fingers, ten toes and eyes the color of Caribbean ocean water; she was perfect. She was most quiet as a baby, so quiet that people would even question if I had a baby but something changed after the age of two. It was not real noticeable until she got to daycare and had to socialize with other children that she was entirely too hyper and emotional but hey, she was two. Hyper and emotional is part of the day to day life of a two year old.

Fast forward to age four and I am scrambling around trying to prepare this four year old who is still displaying characteristics of a two year old for kindergarten. I am beginning to feel the frustration seep in as I am dealing with medical and behavioral specialists that have no clue and or no inclination to assist me in trying to make sure she is well. In this past year alone I have been bounced from specialist to specialist and finally the school got involved again. The school went out and found a suitable behavioral specialist that seems to be passionate about her job and most importantly dedicated to helping Lil Bit. Though I have her in place I still need the support of her doctor's which for the most part has been lacking. I just don't understand how so many medical professionals can say, " I won't do", "don't do" and "I can't do".

So right now I am spending my evening looking for a child psychologist that will administer a simple but expensive test that will hopefully put us one step closer to finding strategies that will help her develop the skills that she needs to develop in order to survive in the school system. I just have to pray that this too shall pass...


As I sat and looked at Lil Bit sleeping tonight I began to wonder when will I know if all this paid off? When she successfully graduates high school or college? When she functions well within a career and relationships? When she gets married and has children of her own? I don't ask for the purpose of having satisfaction that as a mother I did a good job raising her. I just want to make sure that though it all she is happy, especially in the end. I hate trying to figure out if her Dad not being around or her not having a Dad in her life at all is having an adverse effect on her or feeling the torment she is feeling when she apologizes for an out burst and tells me that she is trying really hard not to act like she does.

I know when parenting children there are going to be many challenges, I had challenges with my older two but I never expected this. Before my children were even formed in my womb God gave me a visions for how their lives were to be. He most certainly gave me no warning as to what I was going to have to endure getting them there....just frustrated.

Moving On...

I guess the sun, moon and stars had aligned to bring Prodigal and I back together for one last meeting. No, not like that we just had lunch. I can honestly say seeing him made my day for I know part of me would be mad if he let this thing between us get in the way of at least seeing one another before he left. Like I told him at lunch, when everything else is gone away the one thing left should be our friendship.

I was honest with him about where I was in my life and in my feelings for him. At some point he slowly realized that what ever he was carrying for me he had to let it go. In the end I felt good that I did not leave it on the note that I was singing in my last entry. My kumbaya ass does not really like leaving things off on a kick rocks note, especially when a friend that I care about is involved.

One thing I can say is that all this seems to be so timely and I know that God has designed it this way for a reason. I really walked away from lunch today with a strong sense of closure of this chapter. I really feel that some one, some thing that has held me back romantically for years has finally been laid to rest and now I can whole heartedly move on into something else.

I really feel good and I feel that there are some good things coming on the horizon. Tech and I have been having regular conversations and for some reason the more we talk the more I begin to think that he is an ideal person for me. I honestly cannot wait for him to come back home so we can spend time with each other to see how things go and to kind of see where they are going if any where at all. None the less I am happy, highly blessed, thankful and ecstatic all in one.


Signed,

Did I Say Something Wrong?

When the monotony of things wear off then you must deal with the reality of the situation at hand. Prodigal and I were supposed to have gone to lunch on Friday to see each other and catch up etc; well I tried calling him the night before to firm up our plans for Friday afternoon and got no answer. I figured if he did not call me back by the time I laid my head on my pillow that night then it was a wrap for me, see you on the flip homie. So Friday came and I got no phone call, no email nor text from him. Was I hurt by it it?? Nahhhh, not at all. So my co workers and I ended up taking my intern out for lunch Friday after noon and had a blast. At 4PM Prodigal sent me a text telling me that his phone was about to die and he was on his way into the city and he did not forget about our lunch date.

Ummmm at 4PM I would prefer for you to just say that you forgot opposed to you treating it as an after thought. The sun does not rise and set on his ass; I have a job, children and I am prepping for a move next month therefore my time is rather limited. None the less I did not respond to his text message because I felt there was nothing for me to say to that.So later on that night he sends me another text asking me what I was doing and I waited until I finished what I was doing before I responded. Our text messages lead to a phone conversation that did not go so well.


I told him the truth about how I felt and that I did not see him in the manner that he saw me and that to me he was more of a good friend than a former lover or a potential flame that can be rekindled. Apparently this confession of mine "ruined" his whole trip. *rolls eyes* So the following night it was clear that he was upset with me though he expressed he was more hurt than upset and we proceeded to argue because we see thing differently and apparently my indifference to it all has offended him. My question is what makes you think you can put a person though a whole bunch of hurt and pain then move half way across the country and not expect for them to be over it at some point?? Dude get over yourself.


So as always he wants to move back here but it seems the basis on that happening is if I want to be with him or not. Gawd no take your tale back to the other side of the country. Be mad at me, stay not speaking to me because frankly my dear I don't give a damn. I EARNED the right to feel the way I feel, so go kick rocks.


Signed,

I Hate You Biotch!!!!

I know hate is a very strong word and normally I stay in a state of indifference with a lot of things. But this one thing I have to come out the box on...Insomnia is a bitch and this bitch I hate.

This trick thinks this shit is a joke when I have to wake up early and go to work the next morning. Every night you come fucking with me preventing me from falling asleep, leaving me tossing, turning, up on the computer writing blog entries and playing on Face Book and shit. Or you pull the shit that you pulled last night; I fall asleep at 9PM so easily and peacefully and then here you come with your ignorant ass waking me up at midnight. Midnight? Seriously? Really? I did not get back to sleep until 4 AM and I had to wake up two hours later. This is some bolgerdash for real. Why couldn't you have come and awaken me at 5 AM instead of midnight? That way at least I could have been some what well rested and have gotten to work an hour early. I guess that is too much like right!

I so wish you were a real physical entity that I can punch, jab and upper cut. I am tired I want to sleep peacefully but you Insomnia, your ass won't let me. As it approaches 1 AM I suppose I will lay here in the dark silence of my room until you decide when you will allow for me to drift off to sleep, heffa. Go kick rocks!

Signed,

The Hell????

I don't know if I was in denial about what I was feeling for Prodigal or if the excitement of seeing my friend has finally hit me after his many failed attempts to come back out this way for a visit... but I found myself thinking if I should call him when I saw his FB status alerting every one that he got here safely. Finally I decided to call him and no answer, only for him to call me right back a few minutes later.

Our conversation was nothing more than small talk with some joke peppered in with me occasionally saying, "Wow you are really here...I can't believe you are really here"; but at some point within the conversation I could not breathe. I literally felt as though I could not breathe and even after having been off the phone with him for almost an hour I feel like can't breathe. I have no clue what is going on... anxiety attack??? Am I more excited than I thought I was?? Just ugh! I hate this absolutely hate this.

I am having mixed feelings...He will be here until the middle of next week so you know there will probably be follow up posts, maybe, possibly. Ahhhh hayle who knows???

Guess Who's Coming To Town???

It is entirely to early in the morning therefore I am not going to sit here and throw out a bunch of potentially useless hints just for me to tell you at the end that Prodigal is coming to town. Actually his plane will be touching down at my local airport within the next few hours.

I am not going to say too too much right now because I forgot that I did give him a link to the blog but...well what the hell...

When he called me bursting with excitement at the news that he would be coming to town this week. I could hear the "I get to finally see and spend some time with the woman that I love" sound in his voice; all the while I am thinking yeaaa, my good friend is coming to town *throws confetti*. Evidently you can see that there are two different levels of expectations for how this visit is going to go. I know that I will eventually have to "talk" to him about how I am feeling... actually I am dreading having the "ship has been set a a blaze, sailed and our friendship is the only thing that remains amongst the ashes" conversation. I don't want to hurt his feelings and I don't want to lose one of the best males friends a girl could ever have.

Granted I have thought about and dreamed of a life with him but in reality 8 years later I am a totally different person than I was from when he and I first began dating. Through out everything that has happened and everything that has been done I have moved on and let go. I think I am over thinking this but to hear the excitement in his voice at "spending time" with me I don't think I am far off from my thoughts on how we differ in our expectations of one another during his stay.

Ok folks I have to get back on my grind but you all stay blessed and breezy!

With Love,

It's So Necessary

Now that we have flew through June into the month of July it is really time for me to sit down and begin planning the logistics of my up coming move. I have already been saving rather large sums of money in order to better prepare myself for the new transition and most importantly emergencies but there was one thing that I realized is a must to factor into the budget, a maid.

Yes, I said a maid. I don't know why I feel some shame in obtaining a maid to provide cleaning services to my new place on a regular basis...oh yeah I know why because I was raise in a deeply southern family that believed you are to clean up behind yourself. Both sides of my family believe that it is a duty more so of a woman to clean the house from top to bottom which I have no issues doing however looking at my life that is not possible to do, not even to do on a monthly basis. Gosh, I have children, work, working on business start up, sorority obligations , among other things I just don't have the time, energy nor inclination to break out the heavy duty cleaning supplies and start busting suds and dust.

Did I justify my soliciting the services of a maid? Oh well I feel justified in soliciting a maid service. If any one out there has any recommendations of a good maid service in the DC or Bmore area to use please let me know (I know y'all have a maid -_- )??

Yeah, yeah so I got tired of searching the net and decided to write a blog asking for recommendations. Stop talking about me and please dish the info...oh and make it a blessed evening on purpose.