Feeling Some Kind of Way...

For the last week something someone did has been bothering me and since the person is to cowardly to even utter a word to me, it makes it kind of hard to tell them that essentially they really hurt me. I am not sure if it is even hurt as I cannot explain what I am feeling I suppose it is that mixture of hurt and anger that is slowly growing into an uncontrollable rage as the moments pass, with each memory of the conversations that were had, the promises that were made and broken along with their actions and/or lack of action.

I seriously debated on writing about it because I just don't think he is worth the time it takes to write and edit an entry but I still can't ignore that I am feeling the way I am feeling about it. Granted, not sure if I can put it all on him... maybe I may have played a part in it, but hell how am I to know if a conversation has not taken place?

As with most complex things I am just trying to understand the actions of this man. If some one gives you an opportunity to speak your mind honestly and allows for you to opt out of any situation with out drama then would you not take it? Opposed to doing something under handed, sneaky, straight ignorant and trifling to some one that you supposedly have some kind of feeling for?? I guess it is possible for people to act like they have feelings or to even fake like they love or have love for some one. Still I just don't understand why one would go through all of that when someone has handed you the easy way out of the situation by telling the truth and then using the door? Why play games? Why not act like an adult and be grown about yours?

I realized this weekend that I have a lot of anger inside of me and for me to have to strongly resist the urge to go to his house and knee him in his nuts, kick the isht out of him and stomp him is outside of my character and over all gentle nature. I hate the fact that this has even effected me this bad and in this manner.

Ahhhh maybe is not meant for me to figure out nor understand, maybe it is something that just is. Still would like some form of closure. Ahhh hell I am going to go get some hot cocoa.