A few months ago I met a man who also happens to be my co worker. He is cool and real easy to talk to and over all we had no issues, until he started to express interest in me. Now, I have laxed on the don't date where you work rule slightly so him and I working together is not the issue in the slightest, my main issue with the whole pursuit of me is that dude is married.
In the blog entry prior to this I mentioned that I would have to get some one straight which could result in the loss of a friendship and he is the very person I was talking about. He and I spoke briefly over the weekend, he invited me out to dinner since my plans fell through and I said "No." As the conversation went on he made a rather abrasive comment to me, after I told him why my messing with him would not be a very good idea (like I really had to run it down). After I checked him he apologized and we ended it there.
I come in Monday morning (this morning) and he pings me like nothing happened. :-I I don't get that. Why do some people tend to act like nothing happen when they push things to far? He came into my office to hold a conversation but I was just so totally disturbed by the comment he made that I was not much in the mood for conversation. As I was IMing my girlfriend about the exchange he asked me was there something wrong?? Naaaaw, ya think?
That is when I had to let him know that he was pressuring me to much and I am not one that reacts well to pressure in situations like these, especially in a case where there is nothing he can say or do to change my answer from no to yes. Granted he once again apologize and stated he was trying to persuade me and came off abrasive, once again my answer is not going to change.
*scratching my head* Now... I know some times I get confused a lil easily or dare I say a little slow at times and I try not to assume so people have to spell things out for me and I do the same in return but 1) I was once married to a man who consistently cheated on me, why would I want to place some one else in that position? 2) I want some one I can go to sleep with and talk to at night, wake up to in the morning, argue and make up with, I want holidays etc; all in all I want some one to be there and spend time. I can't get that with him. 3) I don't want some one else's man. Given all of that what makes some one think that they are what I need if they are married and can't give me all of that? I mean I spell it out for you and you still coming after it because you "want it"?
See, one thing about me is that I can zone out and disconnect emotionally and mentally at any moment. People tend to feel as though they know me so well or they focus on the warm and inviting part of my personality, with out realizing there is a another side of me that cuts folks off, cuss them out and will walk away with no feelings about it what so ever. I feel as though my alter ego is going to make an appearance and cut off a couple of people very soon.
I don't know right now when it comes to relationships I am feeling very numb and overall through with the games, bs and shenanigans. One thing I can say about being a real quiet observer, I can sit and watch people hangs themselves with the rope I have given them all the while chuckling to myself anticipating the finale, yet they have no clue that deep down inside I really, really just don't give damn. I know that may sound mean but hey my alter ego is coming out because the good, compassionate and nurturing part of me is tired and needs a break. I am seriously about to start cleaning house from friends to acquaintances to certain family members... I just don't have the energy for people and their BS any more.
Miss. Lady has officially left for an extended vacation and Shanigga (name is compliments of my daughter's father) is coming out to clean house.
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