Yeah, yeah I know it's been 5 months and all six of my loyal followers might be looking at this side ways like, heffa where you been?! Yeah I know, so disrespectful.
Welllll the last few months have been rough months filled with a whole lot of pain, disappointment and loss; lost my friend (RIP Cryssy), lost my teeth (oral surgery), got "sick", almost lost my life (literally), found out my granmother is dying and had to lose excess wasting my time, energy and good air of a man (I take ownership of my part in perpetuating this bs of a situation). Granted I love said man but I guess we can go back many entries and write a few novels on loving all the wrong people and loving people who simply don't deserve the love I have to give...life lessons, I suppose I will put that in the vault.
Anyway, ummm yeah, I'm just beginning to see a ray of sunshine at the end of this tunnel. Now if my blood work comes back right then I can stop going to the doctor for follow up visits and completely escape the threat of having to go back to the hospital that steadily stays looming over my head, then the sun will be shining rather brightly on me :)
So everything I had been going through had me feeling so lost. My world had literally been turned upside down. I found the things I thought I wanted I wasn't so sure I wanted those things any more. I had lost my focus, I needed time to get myself together, figure out what I wanted, where I was going and just work on getting there. So basically I have been investing time in working, raising my children, trying to get myself together and move the hell on with my life. I mean really it has to get better than this, it just has to.
Outside of working on me I have been searching for other activities that would keep me more engaged in church and busy. I also have been teetering on broadening my social media horizons and getting on twitter but, I'm trying to stay positive. I want to spread my cheer not negativity and I feel as though twitter would be an outlet for what I like to call my "mean girl thoughts" which is not positive at all. Now those who know me, know me would probably say, you are so sweet I can't imagine you saying/doing anything mean. Welll think again! I admit I have a mean streak and for the most part I just don't like half the things people say and do. Ok, I don't like more than half the things (let's say 60, 65%) people say and do. Some times people get so out of control that it moves me to lose my spirituality and Jesus like nature and I feel compelled to say not so nice things like, "STFU and have a whole row of seats until further notice", my personal favorite "GFY" or "get some peen and a few hard nuts and have a seat some where"...I can go on and on.
Ok, let me move away from the meanness before it over takes me and becomes a serious problem. I have been working out and I realized I missed working out so much. I have lost a good amount of weight already and though I have many more pounds to go I am going hard working at it. I have broadened my horizons in terms of the different types of exercises I have been doing or open to do, through that I found that I LOVE Yoga. I am really considering putting some real time into it so I can become a Yoga instructor within the next two years. I am also considering going back to running but my right knee is saying, "bitch you're doing to much take a seat" so I will most likely pay a visit to my regular doctor about the knee before I proceed with the running thing. Hopefully it will be something as simple as my just needing to wear a knee brace when I run or work out.
Let me see...what else am I leaving out. Oh well I did go to therapy to help with my coping with all that is going on. I can say hands down this is the best therapist I have ever seen and she was really helpful. Despite the fact that she attributes my progress to all the personal journal writing I have been doing, how I process things and deal with situations I really feel her walking me through everything has helped. In my last two sessions she kind of touched on the subject of me dating and finding someone for me. We went through the type of man that I would need and want in my life and then she gave me an assignment *looks from side to side*...she wants me to take a few months to get back on track and then afterwards she wants me to "put myself out there to meet someone" *crickets*.
Now...when she gave me this assignment I was like, "errr how am I to do that?!" I had that response because I'm a home body. Yes, I do like to go out and do thing sometimes but after working the whole week at a stressful job, church activities, kids activities, and family activities I kind of like to lay out on the couch in front of the TV while enjoying the perfect combination of silence and white noise of the TV. Then there is meeting some one through a friend. Been there done that and that was an EPIC FAIL. I can't say that I would not consider having a friend hook me up with someone again but I am going to be discerning about who said friend is, as it has to be someone who REALLY knows me...I mean knows all sides of me not just the side they see when we are kicking it.
I have been asked have I found anyone at the gym and that is a negative.no, when I am in the gym I am focused on me and making it through my work outs alive with out injuries. So I really don't know how all this is going to pan out. I would say that I have a plethora of things to do in order to avoid this but she called me on that before I could even think it (yes she is a real good therapist). I don't even know where to begin with this and online dating it an out. I mean seriously after I looked at a possible match's profile and his picture looked like a mug shot and his user name was Murderer I kind of drew the conclusion that I will not be stumbling upon my man via the internet. Anyway, i'm pretty sure a door will open...maybe someone I once messed with will redeem themselves and we can make a go at it??? *long pause and looks around the room* Nooooooo, there is only one person that can do that and he is too chicken shit to do it so I will move along. Now where that is along is?? Who the hell knows.
Ok, I'm tired, I'm rambling senselessly and though I am working from home tomorrow I still need to take my ass to bed. You folks stay cool,calm and collected until next time, be blessed!
