I see my impatience is rearing its ugly head but I need for tomorrow to come on. Not only is it payday but it is the weekend. I can sleep in on Saturday before I get up and go frolicking around the city ;-) or if I so choose I can lay around all day long and do nothing; the possibilities are endless.
Anyway, either old age is really starting to catch up with me or I am not taking very good care of myself or other undesirable ailments could be brewing that I prefer not to have at this stage in my life, what ever it is I am straight sick.I have finally gotten the migraines under control but my stomach will not settle down for anything and quite frankly I becoming rather annoyed. I keep on saying that I am going to the doctor but truth be told I really don't like her, I just don't and I don't want her to touch me so I suppose I have a problem here. Ok, so I might be a little hard headed, stubborn or what ever but I am going to try to calm my stomach the old fashion way; ginger ale, peppermint tea, crackers, and ginger snaps. I am so hungry but I am so scared to eat any kind of real food. Hopefully I will be good by the weekend because...hmmm... just because. *giggles*
*Praying this soup does the trick
Oh and am I the only one having issue getting into GChat? I thrive on GChat that is how my girlfriend and I stay connected during the day. I suppose you really don't realize how much you use, or rely on something until it is unavailable to you because right now I am about to start having withdrawal symptoms if they don't hurry up and fix this.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Death of A Friendship, Relationship, Whatever It Was...
I have finally come to this time where I can set my feelings for you aside. I had to take the rose colored glasses off and realize that though you said you cared for me it was a lie that even a demon in training could be proud of. Yeah I know we have been down this road before and as always you showed how much of an ass hole you really are. The first time I had to put it on you because you were not only an ass but you were wrong though you won't admit...it is all good it is ok because our "situation" ended long before today.
See I was allowing my feelings, my love for you to keep me in a place I should not have been. I was not satisfied in ANYWAY, you came up short all the time always left wanting more just simply because I was so unsatified. The lies and games you have played made me wonder was a woman behind all of your antics because they came off rather bitchtastic. None the less it is all good... I began to realize that you cared for me none, love me? Definitely not. I guess the icing on the cake was that you took my money not once but twice, said nothing in defense and tried to hide it among ther things. Seriously it did not take all that, all you had to say was this "situation" is clearly not working and maybe a seperation is what is needed; then the search would have been on and I would have gladly thrown the peace sign and moved on.
But no, that would be to easy for you, you had to pick a fight on purpose so I would do what you were entirely to cowardly to do yourself. But how could you not see it coming? You noticed I was gradually pulling away, emails and phones calling being met with short and curt responses. I was to my point. I was over it, I was over you.
None the less there is always something better. Something stronger more stable that can provide all I need and allow for me to sleep at night with ease knowing that I can entrust them with my prized possesion.......
Yep! Wachovia we are through. Would like to say nice banking with you but it wasn't...Mhm, I suppose this "situation" can be applied to other situations.:)
See I was allowing my feelings, my love for you to keep me in a place I should not have been. I was not satisfied in ANYWAY, you came up short all the time always left wanting more just simply because I was so unsatified. The lies and games you have played made me wonder was a woman behind all of your antics because they came off rather bitchtastic. None the less it is all good... I began to realize that you cared for me none, love me? Definitely not. I guess the icing on the cake was that you took my money not once but twice, said nothing in defense and tried to hide it among ther things. Seriously it did not take all that, all you had to say was this "situation" is clearly not working and maybe a seperation is what is needed; then the search would have been on and I would have gladly thrown the peace sign and moved on.
But no, that would be to easy for you, you had to pick a fight on purpose so I would do what you were entirely to cowardly to do yourself. But how could you not see it coming? You noticed I was gradually pulling away, emails and phones calling being met with short and curt responses. I was to my point. I was over it, I was over you.
None the less there is always something better. Something stronger more stable that can provide all I need and allow for me to sleep at night with ease knowing that I can entrust them with my prized possesion.......
Yep! Wachovia we are through. Would like to say nice banking with you but it wasn't...Mhm, I suppose this "situation" can be applied to other situations.:)
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Can I Get A Repeat???
Can I, may I have a repeat of today? Today was the most PERFECT day. I would say more but I have no other words to say except it was perfect and let's do it again...:-)
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Re Evaluating Life...
As I get older I notice that I am becoming more self aware. I find that I catch myself doing things out of habit and I often take a step back and think through my actions and how they may or may not fit into a pattern, then I decide to do things differently. I do reevaluate my life a lot especially in times when things are not going really well within my life.
Last night I had to really take a step back and reevaluate the men that I chose to date and be with. I had to look at why I often choose men that for some reason are very insensitive, can be mean some times, not very understanding, maybe a little harsh and at times emotionally detached. I had to really look at why I often want some one who particularly does not want me... I mean they for the most part act as if they tolerate me buttt necessarily want me, no (at least that is what I get from their actions). I had an epiphany about it and found my reasons for such irrational choices and figured I needed to stop that isht. I need to be more conscious about who I date just like I became more conscious about who I call friend and allow in my inner circle.
My girlfriend and I were talking about this last night and she brought some things to light...ok she took the rose petal glasses off and broke them (damn I need a new pair now :)). She was telling me that though I say I don't trust people I do give them the benefit of doubt thus making excuses for them (among other things), which my guess is in hoping they will change...not...anyway I realized I need to implement a new rule of thumb for myself, no second chances, no benefit of doubt. If you f*ck up the first time then you just f*ck up, there will be no second and definitely no third chance; should have got it right the first time. It is a waste of my time and energy to which I can be channeling into other things and people who want me, to be around me, and are really appreciative of my time and me as a person.
With that... I love my friends, they keep it real and I need people that won't lie to me or tell me what I want to hear. I so appreciate their honesty, no matter how harsh, evil or funny as hell as it might be *ROFL*I do appreciate it. I can't wait to see y'all... ;-). We LOTS to talk about! :-))
Oh in other news... the group debriefing was submitted and I am done with school! *doing my lil dance*
Last night I had to really take a step back and reevaluate the men that I chose to date and be with. I had to look at why I often choose men that for some reason are very insensitive, can be mean some times, not very understanding, maybe a little harsh and at times emotionally detached. I had to really look at why I often want some one who particularly does not want me... I mean they for the most part act as if they tolerate me buttt necessarily want me, no (at least that is what I get from their actions). I had an epiphany about it and found my reasons for such irrational choices and figured I needed to stop that isht. I need to be more conscious about who I date just like I became more conscious about who I call friend and allow in my inner circle.
My girlfriend and I were talking about this last night and she brought some things to light...ok she took the rose petal glasses off and broke them (damn I need a new pair now :)). She was telling me that though I say I don't trust people I do give them the benefit of doubt thus making excuses for them (among other things), which my guess is in hoping they will change...not...anyway I realized I need to implement a new rule of thumb for myself, no second chances, no benefit of doubt. If you f*ck up the first time then you just f*ck up, there will be no second and definitely no third chance; should have got it right the first time. It is a waste of my time and energy to which I can be channeling into other things and people who want me, to be around me, and are really appreciative of my time and me as a person.
With that... I love my friends, they keep it real and I need people that won't lie to me or tell me what I want to hear. I so appreciate their honesty, no matter how harsh, evil or funny as hell as it might be *ROFL*I do appreciate it. I can't wait to see y'all... ;-). We LOTS to talk about! :-))
Oh in other news... the group debriefing was submitted and I am done with school! *doing my lil dance*
Monday, September 14, 2009
Monday Evening Ramblings...
Before I start incoherently rambling let me say, thank you to all who helped in what ever way (even if it was praying for a miracle) in regards to my getting my paper done. Rashad the outline was my saving grace thanks for the advice. Needless to say I got the paper finished and turned in. We have have a group debriefing to turn in this week and then I will have officially written the last sentance of this chapter.
Since the task of this paper has been weighing on me I have been suffering from severe migrane headaches. I know one day I had one so bad I wanted to sit in a dark silent room, with sun glasses on and close my eyes until the pain went away. The excedrin let me down it was not working, my sister had to give me a perscription strength some thing or another. The something or another worked but I could not sleep hours after I had taken it. Now that the paper is completed and turned in one would think the migranes would have gone away, not. Still having them but not as bad. I suppose I will go and see the doctor... I swear if she says something to the effect of if you loose weight then they will go away then I just might snap... yeah just tune into CNN for the latest news on that because I don't want to hear that shit.
Moving on...
Are insitutions of higher education really suffering due to the economy? I had submitted a request form for more information about a Organizational Leadership/Organizational Management Masters program. Within 24 hours of having submitted the request I received a phone call followed up by an email. I responded to the gentleman's email, he then follows the email up with a phone call telling me I have too many questions and I need to call him to talk. Well alrighty then. So I call him and spent some time on the phone and he was pressing me to start this program in a month. I told him, no. I need a break to enjoy not having to log into class or do any school work and I told him I would apply for Spring semester.
This dude is hard of hearing because he presses and tells me that if I just get him the application he can hold me a spot; I have to write a four page personal statement, yada, yada stop it. I am sitting here agonizing over my 15-20 page final paper and you are trying to talk to me about writing a four page personal statement? Seriously dude? Really? Are you kidding? What ever! Since a few weeks ago he has called me everyday. He is beginning to make me regret requesting additional info. Actually he is walking that thin line of being a pesty salesman and being a stalker. They seriously can't be in need of my enrollement that bad.
What does it mean when you leave the building that you work in at the end of the day and you feel a sense of freedom? I don't mean any kind of freedom but an inmate being released from prison type freedom. I suppose I am having an I really don't like my job moment today. Or, maybe I really just want to do something different so bad that the only thing that keeps the boredom from getting to me is how hard it is to get a job once you lose one. Yeah ok, we can go the I am greatful for having a job moment... I need to set up a co worker excahange. I switch one of mine for one of yours and there is no changing your mind once the switch is made. *evil laughter*
Since the task of this paper has been weighing on me I have been suffering from severe migrane headaches. I know one day I had one so bad I wanted to sit in a dark silent room, with sun glasses on and close my eyes until the pain went away. The excedrin let me down it was not working, my sister had to give me a perscription strength some thing or another. The something or another worked but I could not sleep hours after I had taken it. Now that the paper is completed and turned in one would think the migranes would have gone away, not. Still having them but not as bad. I suppose I will go and see the doctor... I swear if she says something to the effect of if you loose weight then they will go away then I just might snap... yeah just tune into CNN for the latest news on that because I don't want to hear that shit.
Moving on...
Are insitutions of higher education really suffering due to the economy? I had submitted a request form for more information about a Organizational Leadership/Organizational Management Masters program. Within 24 hours of having submitted the request I received a phone call followed up by an email. I responded to the gentleman's email, he then follows the email up with a phone call telling me I have too many questions and I need to call him to talk. Well alrighty then. So I call him and spent some time on the phone and he was pressing me to start this program in a month. I told him, no. I need a break to enjoy not having to log into class or do any school work and I told him I would apply for Spring semester.
This dude is hard of hearing because he presses and tells me that if I just get him the application he can hold me a spot; I have to write a four page personal statement, yada, yada stop it. I am sitting here agonizing over my 15-20 page final paper and you are trying to talk to me about writing a four page personal statement? Seriously dude? Really? Are you kidding? What ever! Since a few weeks ago he has called me everyday. He is beginning to make me regret requesting additional info. Actually he is walking that thin line of being a pesty salesman and being a stalker. They seriously can't be in need of my enrollement that bad.
What does it mean when you leave the building that you work in at the end of the day and you feel a sense of freedom? I don't mean any kind of freedom but an inmate being released from prison type freedom. I suppose I am having an I really don't like my job moment today. Or, maybe I really just want to do something different so bad that the only thing that keeps the boredom from getting to me is how hard it is to get a job once you lose one. Yeah ok, we can go the I am greatful for having a job moment... I need to set up a co worker excahange. I switch one of mine for one of yours and there is no changing your mind once the switch is made. *evil laughter*
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Writer's Block?? Or Sheer Laziness? Just Don't Want To Do It?
I have been trying to write my final paper (research paper) for the last two weeks and with said paper due the end of this week. So far I have the cover page, the executive summary and half of the introduction page written; 15-20 pages required and only 1 1/2 done so I have another 14 1/2 pages to write and I don't know where to go with it. I can't decide on how I am going to build it. I don't know if it is a case of writer's block or a case of I don't want to do this shit.
I keep on telling myself just write the damn paper, double check to make sure that if I used information from other sources that these people get their kudos and call it done. But I can't move on...gawd paper writing has been this way since I had " The Task Master" aka "The Dream Crusher" for sophomore English. I have been jacked up mentally when it comes to writing task such as this.
Now this type of writing (blogging) is easy because I can say how I feel, say what I feel and don't give a damn who likes it... ok I care slightly, a lil... I suppose a significant amount. But still some times the words just flow and I wish they would unclog out of the bottle neck and flow in efforts to finish this freakin paper. Just Ugh! Can I get a life line? Words of wisdom? Encouragement? A hug? Something?
I keep on telling myself just write the damn paper, double check to make sure that if I used information from other sources that these people get their kudos and call it done. But I can't move on...gawd paper writing has been this way since I had " The Task Master" aka "The Dream Crusher" for sophomore English. I have been jacked up mentally when it comes to writing task such as this.
Now this type of writing (blogging) is easy because I can say how I feel, say what I feel and don't give a damn who likes it... ok I care slightly, a lil... I suppose a significant amount. But still some times the words just flow and I wish they would unclog out of the bottle neck and flow in efforts to finish this freakin paper. Just Ugh! Can I get a life line? Words of wisdom? Encouragement? A hug? Something?
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