Cupid's Arrow...

Ok, I have to admit that chubby lil bastard got me with his arrow. Over the last few years I have spent time and energy perfecting my nonchalant attitude, being ok with not having a man or dating any one, controlling the level of my feelings for some one and just when my back was turned he shot me...now I am in love.

Who would have thought a few months ago after being stood up by ABB and walking into a fine wine store to purchase a bottle of Riesling would get to the point of a serious and very loving relationship? When people would tell me that it will come when you least expect it or when you are not looking for it; I used to roll my eyes and fight off the urge to tell them to get out of my face with that shit. Ehhhh well I guess they all made sense because that is exactly what happened.

A few months ago ABB and I had made plans to get together. He canceled on me at the last minute claiming he had to "work", so with my having dropped my daughter off to the sitter I had plenty of time on my hands. I was on the phone with my girlfriend who suggested that I stop and get a bottle of wine. Hell not much else to do, so why not enjoy the evening with some alcohol?

The store was big as hell...think of your local grocery store except it is full of any and every kind of wine and liquor you could ever dream of. I walked in and we locked eyes, I smile said hello and went about by business all the while whispering into the phone to my girlfriend about how fine this man looked. As I wandered around lost he offered his assistance, I told him what I was looking for and he took me right to it. We had conversation and he was inquiring about whether I was drinking alone that night(but of course I was drinking alone) he then asked me for my number. We talked on the phone and agreed upon a day to go out on our first date...that was one of the most perfect dates I have ever been on; movies, lunch and a trip to the National Harbor...absolutely perfect.

Now months later we are actually starting to settle down into the relationship, the shine of the new penny has worn off but it is ok...that was bound to happen. I found that I am allowing myself to do things that I other wise would not allow for myself to freely do, like think about building a life/strong relationship with some one and actually place energy into doing that, allowing someone to meet my children or bringing some one home to meet the family...LOL!

He came home with me for the Thanksgiving holiday. My family is harsh and I know off the bat that there were some men that I have dated that I could not take home to them, so for many years I have never really put much energy or emphasis in some one coming to meet the family. I mean seriously that is big for me and they know this. He fit in just fine and my family loves him. :) The kids love him and surprisingly even my ex hubby and his wife (his biggest supporter) like him. Needless to say so far so good. :)

The Art Of Gift Giving,,,

I know it is mid day and I should be working but for some reason I had this blog burning in my mind so I figured getting it off of my mind will help me concentrate on the task that I am paid to do.

Any way I look at gift giving to be an art and in some respects a competition. There is nothing like setting out to find the perfect gift that fits the personality of the person you are buying the gift for. Most important is the expression on their face when they open it and how it stands up to other gifts that were given.

So my daughter turned 4 a few weeks ago and I was so looking forward to seeing her face as she opened up her gifts...I should say I was looking forward to my face at seeing all the clothes that she was gifted and thinking about all the money I was saving because it was less clothing I would have to buy for a child who is constantly growing out of her clothes.


My daughter was excited and over joyed at the toys she got, she was cool on the clothes unless they had sequence or glitter on them but for the most part she had an expression of "what ever" on her face. As I was going through all the clothes she got for her birthday I noticed that one of the shirts she was given had a name written on the tag in marker. I did not think anything of it at first because I know when my Granny buys clothes for the little kids she writes their names on the tags so she knows who she bought it as there are so many of us. Anyway, I went on to wash the shirt with out further inspection of it. As I took the shirt out of the dryer to my surprise the shirt had been soiled and what ever it was soiled with left a really large stain.

Ok, really? The rules of gift giving and re-gifting have been broken and shattered for me at this point because my child was given a soiled shirt that clearly belong to and was worn by some one else. Granted I am not one to dictate what to give as a gift but I FEEL that soiled (dare I say used clothing)should not be it. Oh and mind you when it was their daughter's birthday I went to Old Navy and hooked that lil one up but I digress. Sooo, one night last week at 1 AM in the morning I get a knock on my door and who was it? The giver of soiled clothing wanting to know if Lil Bit liked the clothes they gave her and wanting to know if they fit...

Being tired and bogged down with getting as much done as I could being as though I had to wake up early that morning I was diplomatic and quickly ended the conversation... well I am feeling ignorant today and as I begin the process of writing out my thank you cards I figured I would write something special in thanks to them but for the life of me I can't quite figure out what to write. I figured it would be along the lines of thank for the soiled shirt that you gave Lil Bit for her birthday it will proudly sit in her cubby at school for her to wear in the instance she accidentally soils herself at school, I will be sure to take pics and send them to you as a token of our appreciation, THANK YOU! :)

Hmmmm... maybe I will take the high road on this one... then again I am rather unpredictable I guess it will depend on how I feel when I actually sit down to write the note.

Just Some Thoughts...

First, can I just say I hate blogging at work? I feel as though I have to restrain my self when writing at work. I can't do to much cussing and I can't say what I really feel about my job on my worst days; it just sucks.

Anyway...

Over the last few weeks I have been thinking about relationships and this whole finding the "one" and your "soul mate" type thought process and my experience over the many years I have spent dating has lead me to this belief; there is no such thing. Yes, there are a small number of people that one meets that they just click with and it feels like they have known each other for along time but seriously, is that really the foundation for a long lasting relationship? In away you are literally going into it with your subconscious mind. I am not going to say this applies to every one because everyone is different and being different is what is beautiful about people in general, but for the most part it directly applies to me.

So at this point of my life I figured the answer for me was to be with some one that fulfills all of my major needs and some of my wants, I can stand his flaws, he can stand my flaws and just grow to love this person over time. You know, consciously find things about him that I will click with and move on from there. I suppose I got something out of having dated a lot of ABBs, Lucifers and Prodigals.

Once you meet some one what measure do you use to know if they are a keeper? Do you have a physical or mental check list that you keep? Or, do you go with the flow of things until they start throwing things you would consider to be deal breakers at you?

Moving on...

I have never really been one to tell all of my business or open myself up to many people. I suppose that is why people make a lot of assumptions about me as a person because I don't let them see that inner portion of myself...bottom line I don't trust many people. Also people who know me like that know that if there is something they want to know then they need to come ask me and accept the answer that I give them. So, when people begin to ask around about me or a certain situation pertaining to me I see that, 1) evidently they don't know me like that and 2) I get a little leery of that because I begin to wonder what they want to know that much info for? Why is my personal business so valuable to you to take your time and energy to go from person to person asking and fishing for information?? I suppose there is some fun in it but I don't see it.

I know a lot of people are like who cares? But for me is stems from a much deeper place. In having grown up with an ultra, ultra nosey Granny...let me just say I LOVE her to death and will cut some one over her but she is nosey and sometimes she does medal in folks lives but it is all out of the love she has for us (I have to often remind myself of that). Yet and still as an adult it has left an impression on me and personally I like the direct approach. Anyway, the difference between my Granny and people that don't know me like that is the place that it comes from. My Granmother loves us all to death and her greatest dream is to see her family live a good and rather struggle free life; therefore if she has gets in the business and make things go the way she thinks it should to ensure that we are happy then she is going to do it (Gotta Love Her!). As for other people they just seem to like to get into your business just to have something to talk about...ok I am done with the random thoughts and must get back to the job.

1537

I was scrolling through my email box reading emails, thinking how I need to start cleaning out my email box then I thought of the special folder that I created especially for ABB's emails. I did not keep the emails as back up or proof to dispel anything he said (as I have been accused of *roll eyes*), I kept them because they were near to me in some sort of way and there were some sweet and what I thought to be genuine things that he had said to be via email conversation, also some of his poems were wonderful and managed to place a smile on my face at the moments when I needed something to smile about.

I figured it was time to let go of those little mementos and set my fond memories of our tine together (Shirlington) :) aside and finish moving on completely. When I went to delete the emails it read "1537 deleting". Damn, I thought 1537 emails? What the hell were we talking about?? LOL! There were arguments, debates, general conversation, poems and plans to get together all in that 1537. Since my phone crashed his number is gone, his emails are deleted and I have no way of reaching out to him even if I wanted to; right now I wonder will he ever leave my mind completely? Mhm, maybe, hopefully so...

Why does it seems like the more I go through and the older I get the less painful certain things in life are to me?

The Break Down

Yeah, ok I fell off the wagon. I broke down like a hoopty and bought dinner tonight. But how could I not have stepped outside of my spending fast? Looking at the week I have had...

Last Friday I went to the doctor for my never ending cough and found out that I had bronchitis. My doctor is one that never writes a perscription and she always finds a natural remedy for what ever ailes you, not at that visit. She sat there writing script after script and going on about how sick I was; after it was all said and done I left with four prescriptions in my hand. I did not complain, I suppose I really could not complain because it is what it was and I needed to get healthy so I just needed to roll with the punch.

Well, here come Monday morning, I am leaving "Him" to go to work in the morning and what happens? Yeah if you read the last entry and have me friended on FB then you already know the back tire blew out. Take a gander at it...





After having been to the dealership three times in one week for the same issue the, I have spent over $400 in attempts to fix everything and the shit still is not fixed. I will be going back to the dealership on Saturday so they can do something about it and hopefully fix it this time.

I am trying to find a subtle way of letting them know that I am tired and frustrated with this situation and I am literally a woman on the edge, therefore if they don't want me to put on a full clown suit and cut a fool they better not charge me for shit else.

Now with all of that weighing on me how could I not step down from my wagon and purchase dinner? Ahhh welll I hop back on it tomorrow.

How The Hell?

Monday morning on my way to work my tire blew out. I uploaded pics to FB because my phone memory is full, so I am sure my FB friends have seen the shreds that was my back tire.

Anyway, the issue I am having is out side of just having bought the tires in January, out side of being charge a couple of hundread to fix the shit they forgot to reset the TPS (tire pressure system). So my counter is still reading service tire system, so if something else should go wrong with said tired yet again I would be clueless.

What every happened to performing thorough work? I so have the right mind to take a hit and trade this bitch in for something a little more practical.

Glutton For Punishment

Last month I mentioned that I was doing a 30 day no complaining challenge and I practically bombed at my attempts to meet this challenge because I complained a whole lot more than usual.

In my journey for personal growth and awareness I have gone on a spending fast. Yes, a spending fast. During this fast I will only pay bills and purchase the things that are needed only when needed, the money I save from this challenge will be tucked away in savings. I have not set goal of how much money I want to save all I know is that I want/need to save as much money as I possibly can over the next few months.

I am trying not to think about all that I am giving up to do this; starbuck's caramel apple spice, eating out when I feel like it or buying a pair of shoes or a new outfit on a whim. Ahhhhh...*sheds a tear* I will be better off for it in the end.

I know my girl friend is reading this and may be wondering why I am blogging at this particular time but I am doing it because I can. LOL! Now I am going back to the "bonding" session.