Just Some Thoughts...

Yesterday was not the best day for me as you could read from my last entry (I can't remember ever having a day that bad). I went home, got the kid fed and off to bed. Though the work day was done, Lil Bit was sleep and I had my quiet I still felt so unsettled and upset. I wasn't necessarily upset about the events of the past two days but there were just some other things that were bothering me. I ended up doing the best thing I knew to do and that was pray.

I prayed for about an hour and cried for another hour...I was feeling better. I suppose God and I can be on the same time line after all. As I was ending my prayer session my phone rang and it so happened to be one of the gentleman I met on the dating site calling to check on me (how sweet). I thought it was a quite weird being as though he is not a phone person but I figured why not sit and talk for a spell.

It was quite nice talking to him...I love his Jamaican accent. Hopefully our schedules will open up so we can meet soon. He seems to be real anxious to meet me and I'm cool on it...it's not that I'm not anxious to meet him. I think I'm just really trying to take a whole different approach to this dating thing...trying to have fun yet be cautious. After having gone through a whole bunch of mess behind dealing with other people; lies, infidelity, not being ready, bsing me and stringing me along I think I have earned the right to be extra cautious/slow.

Anyway... we will see what transpires within the next few weeks. My daughter's God sister apparently has extra time on her hands and wants to spend it all with Lil Bit, soooooo I won't have an excuse not to go out any where, with anyone who may ask me out. :-)

LOL! Today is a rather good day... it's nice and quiet and my Pandora is on point. :-)

Sorry Cube Today Was Not A Good Day...

About a year or two ago I wrote about this complaint challenge I was doing. I was able to successfully not complain for 30 days and after the challenge was over I managed to continue with the spirit of no complaining. Well...the way I feel I really want to complain...I really want to...I may need to hit that challenge again until then...

I can't STAND and I mean CAN'T STAND when I tell someone what I need and they disregard it and give me everything except for what I asked for. I mean dammit I'm not asking just to waste vital air or to make things hard on you, I'm asking because I need it. Yes! What I need from you is vital to whatever it is I'm doing. Soooooo, why can't you just give me what I asked for?? Why? For the LOVE of Christ can someone one someone where at least give me something I need without prompting and my having to hand hold like they are my 5 year old kid?

Granted there are other work related issues that leave me constantly wondering how people get away with their antiquated and old way of doing things, which have created big issues for me...

Anyway...

I figured if I left my desk, ran some errands, got a salad I would be okie dokie smokie. Ha! That is entirely tooo much like right. As I am eating my salad I start feeling rather funny and realize the lady at Wendy's gave me Alvacado Ranch opposed to giving me the regular Ranch I asked for....errr, yeah I'm allergic to alvacados and I have no benedryl in sight. So, yes I'm literally irritated; my eyes are watering, my throat is itching and my nose is starting to run... how sexy.

So as my allergic reaction persist to irritate me and as my colleagues continue to pursue in their mission to drive me over the edge, pandora cuts a fool and starts playing Ice Cube's It Was A Good Day on my Hil St Soul station. WTF?

Uhhhh Mr. Cube, Mr. O'Shea Jackson, no sir today is not a good day and Pandora get it straight...Thanks! Signed A Woman on the edge. -_-

Let's Be Clear...

Last week I was invited out to lunch and I declined. Well, in the midst of the invite I was being teased for being anti social (most times I'm too busy to leave for lunch), which annoyed the shit out of me. So you ask if you had admitted that you are anti social then why did that annoy you? It's the truth. Ok yes, I admit there are times I don't want to be around people, I HATE small talk and forced conversations. But dammit don't call me out especially in front of outside folks.


So let me set some things straight in social settings I am very social and actually quite flirtatious depending on the scene and event. Work is a whole other animal. I'm really not cool with some people that I work with like that. My supervisor and less than a handful of co workers I have a friendship with outside of work and a few that fall within that small group I am close with.

What am I reallly saying? I don't fuck with the others like that. If I don't feel comfortable around you, don't trust you, you're not my kind of crazy, if you are all caught up in office politics, or hell if I just don't like you and/or your personality then in all likelihood I'm not dealing with you outside of what ever FAVOR I so choose to do for you.


This has been burning me since last week and I feel better now that I have gotten that off my damn chest.

Speaking of work, my pet work peeve of the day is...folks talking on the cell phone while in the bathroom. Reason #1200 why I hate using public bathrooms especially the bathrooms at work. Though the person on the phone is rather interested in hearing why your husband cheated on you and left your ass 1)I'm not interested in hearing that shit (nor do I want to actually hear you shit) while I'm trying to empty my bladder (I require silence)and 2) the person on the line may not be interested in hearing me (and possibly multiple other people) emptying my bladder. So with that I say, stop that shit. It's disturbing.

My Heart...

I have been sitting here for the last 30 minutes or so trying to put what I am feeling into words....ok so I have been on the phone for a good portion of that time but still, translating it is kind of difficult.

Anyway...

I hate the conflict between my mind and my heart. As always my heart is far beyond where my mind is...wayyyyy to far.

I mean damn! Can my heart not race when ever I hear his voice? When he kisses me here there, there and there, can I not melt (inside and out)?:-) Do I always have to lose focus when he calls or texts me? This ultra warm and fuzzy feeling has been over taking me for the last month or two and it getting stronger. I guess what I am feeling is actually happiness to a degree (among other things) which is a feeling I have not experienced in a long time. Yet, the whole situation just makes it so bitter sweet.

I kind of hate not feeling comfortable enough to fully indulge in and enjoy the feeling or even the moments that I have with this person. I swear if there were such thing as true and complete perfection for me, it would be him. For many years I have dated of and on maybe had a relationship here and there but in all those situations I have never been willing to give that person the world nor allow them completely into mine. Surprisingly I feel as though I want to give this person the world and let him run loose in my world...oh wait that shit is scary right there I can't allow running loose in my world but y'all get what I'm saying.


I had rejoined a dating site (not eharmony...bastards) thinking that if I stepped my dating game up then maybe I would have a few distractions and in time the feeling I have for him will fade away due to said pleasant distractions. I'm beginning to feel as though that is not going work out like that. I swear this feels like 2002-2004 all over again...how do I manage to get myself into these predicaments (rhetorical question)?


This sucks. I need to get my heart and emotions under control but it's like quick sand... the more I fight it the more I sink.

Stay cool folks!