After Christmas came the big break up...I went into this relationship knowing that in away we were "unevenly yoked" as my girlfriend so gently puts it. What do I mean by unevenly yoked? I make more money than he does, I am in a totally different place in life emotionally, financially and my maturity level is higher. At first it seemed to be an issue because he used to tease me all the time by calling me Ms. Blackberry and at first it was ok but when he continuously referred to me by that nickname like it was my government name, it became rather irritating to say the least. I mean really if I wanted to take it there then I could have in turn referred to him as Mr. Virgin Mobile but that did not phase me so long as he could call and text me.
None the less I liked him and I was falling for him fast so I figured instead of kicking his ass to the curb or putting him in the reserve for some sex when I needed it I figured I would talk to him (ooo did my negro side just come out??). Oh yeah we talked... I quickly learned he was more worried about what others thought and the image that was project opposed to what was underneath the surface. He was concerning himself with my male friends and previous loves who had pretty descent jobs and thought they could woo me back with that alone. Not. They treated me like shit, so how am I going to be wooed back to some one who treated me like shit? How shallow and superficial of a person did he think I really was?
Anyway, as time progressed his funds were always questionable but it was never a big deal to me because if I ate he ate. But to him I was always "paying for everything" and he was just tired of my "paying for everything" every time we went out or buying my own drinks for when I would stay at his house...a sistah cannot live on apple juice alone. In the end I suppose it was entirely to much for him and the soft speech he gave me about how I should not have to pay for anything and he is the man and I need a man that is going to care of me and take care of things over all became a loud scream when he suggested that we part so he can focus and get himself together. Just ugh! I can't knock him for making the choice that he had made and had he of spoken to me I would have gladly stepped out of his way...oh wait, wait a minute let me rethink this... he said, he don't know what he want and I said ok then I am going to let you go and figure that shit out.
None the less I am back to the same place I started, by myself. I suppose that is ok, since I purchased a Dooney bag and an IPod I feel better. According to him that is what "ritzy" type of people do. *roll eyes*
Sounds like this dude needs to grow up
ReplyDeleteI know it may not seem so now but he did the right thing. He is right you do need someone who is more on your level and can treat you the way a man wants/needs to treat his woman. A man is a provider and the courting stage is where he demos that for you. People joke on the Steve Harvey book but he makes that plain, a man---a REAL man---could not stand for this. A real man wants to be a protector and a provider, and to proclaim his woman to the world.
ReplyDeleteAs a professional woman though I feel your "pain" we just want someone who will be a good man in terms of how they treat us, respect us, etc. money is nice but who wants a lawyer who is a jerk and a cheater just because he is a lawyer? Well I guess some women do but a women with self worth just wants a partner who will treat her right emotionally! Hell we can buy our own food, flowers, jewelry, etc. we just want a man who will be there for us but the mind and ego of a man are very fragile when it comes to matters like this. Again talking about a REAL man not just two bit hussle man trying to get over. So keep that in mind with El. He very well could have stayed with you knowing you have 3 kids, in school, working hard, driving a nice car and paying for everything...what would that say about him? He does need to get himself in a place where he can give you what deserve from his point of view. Also think about what that says he wants to give you more than you think you should have or more than you are getting now without an issue. That's upside down thinking. I think you have to respect his position because I think its coming from a loving caring place. A real man needs to be a man with his and he sounds like he needs time to see what he wants to do with his life. He needs to feel good about himself and his comments show you he has some serious insecurities in that department, as he should; that's only human. You have done well for yourself and he seems to be just starting out. I hope you can get to a place where you can let him know you "get it" don't like it but "get it" and maybe offer support. On the flip side he may be ok with where he is and find a woman of a similar standard so he doesn't have to stretch and grown. Either way you deserve big love as the book The Soulmate Secret says *shameless plug* and the man for you will be in a strong & healthy place and ready to be the man you need today not in a few years...He's out there! Happy New Year!
note to moderator: "anonymous" means the poster doesn't want to be identified. Thank you much!
ReplyDeleteAnd I never DID respond to this post; don't wake up the sleeping giant!