Metro Rail We Meet Again...

Ugh! Though Metro's prices continue to change I see the Metro rail service and its users don't. For the first time in seven years I had to take the train during the rush hour period into DC. Everything was cool until I got to the orange line platform. There was this man standing on the platform with his blackberry in one hand and promptly digging way up in his nose with the other. I had to move myself in a position where I could not see him every time I looked up. I was just amazed that he was doing it like it was the "in thing" to do. No tissue, not even a paper bag or newspaper to help him in his task just straight fingers. *vomits in mouth*

As I moved far enough away as to not come into contact with this person, because unlike every one else I KNOW where his hands have been, I saw the lights on the platform begin to blink indicating the train was coming. I was so excited because I was making good time and the train would be there in approximately 1 min according to the lil message board. Well, something seemed a little weird when after 5 mins I had been standing there and the lights on the platform were still blinking. As I looked up the lil message board said the train was boarding. Helllz no it is not boarding, that is not possible for it to be boarding because there is NO TRAIN.

So, this little delay made me almost 15 mins late for my interview but I guess since I went in there and rocked that shit, rock that shit homie I can't really complain to much. But the train ride there made me really think if I want to take on the adventures of Metro Rail every morning for the next something odd years. The ride back was not so bad, the numbers of riders were greatly reduced which is fine with me, I am the type of person that needs three feet of personal space and is a germophobe thus the hand sanitizer was in full effect after witnessing the picker from early in the morning. As I was making the trek back to Greenbelt a nice gentleman came up to me and asked me if I had the time, as I gave him the time he said, "I just wanted to let you know that you are a pretty young lady." I felt that was so sweet of him to give a simple compliment that was not followed by question of, you gotta man? Or, can I have your phone number? You know? Get to know each other. Call you sometimes? I gotta be honest with you though I have a girlfriend but I would love to get t know you *rolls eyes*. None the less it was something sweet and simple. I hope those young lil hip hoppy dudes on the train was watching and taking notes. LOL!

Anyway, I have to gear myself up to go into work tomorrow and have a conversation with my supervisor. I have been informed that she will be getting a phone call for the purposes of checking my references and I don't want her to be caught off guard. I can say hands down she is one of the best supervisors I have ever had within the last few years and it is going to be tough leaving if an offer were to be made; but hey I would get over it... quickly.

Tuesday Night Ramblings...

It is so funny the steps I take to get to my blog. I always seem to go to my friend Rashad's page first then link to my blog from there. It is a very bad habit that I have developed and I am beginning to feel as though I must stop... well going that route does ensure that I stop and read his recent entries so maybe it is a practice I shall continue to do.

Anyway...

Through the midst of the PMS and sinus issues the only thing that seems to brighten my day/night are the little conversations that Prodigal and I seem to have. It amazes me how some one can know me so well to the point where they can say what I am thinking right before I even open my mouth to speak. One thing I can say about him, unlike some others he does not bother me with petty, theatrical, unnecessary, insignificant, wenis like bitchtastic bull shit... most times it is nothing but laughs. Then there are the sad times when we walk down the rough times of our past together and I feel my anger begin to boil. Not sure how I am going to let go of the anger or if I can let go of the anger, but keeping an open mind is going to require for me to do so. See this shit sucks.

Can't I just send him kisses yet throw darts at a poster board picture of him until I no longer feel anger inside?? I know he has apologised profusely but a person can only apologise but so much so I guess everything else is up to me.

Though it looks like I have some work to do I can't really concentrate on that now. I am putting my focus into finishing school up this summer and getting these last two things out of the way so I can move. Maybe as all those things begin to fall off of my to do list and of course once her is officially back here in the area then I can give slight thought to working on letting the anger go.

Mmmmm.... if he offers for me to punch him to make me feel better should I take him up on it??? LOL! Ok, just me being evil.

The Prodigal Man...

I have been dreading writing about this particular topic because writing about it is going to make me admit somethings that I am just not ready to admit right now... this will not be the only entry, it will more likely be a series as this has been a situation that has gone on for years and when I say year I mean since February 25, 2002 (yes I have a long memory). Those of you who have known me for a long time know who the man is that I refer to as the Prodigal Man and those who don't just sit back and read, don't try to figure it out because you won't. LOL!

I met him years ago when he was a 4th year senior at Howard University while online for a certain fraternity. He was charming, young (a few years younger than me), intelligent but on the flip side there was an immaturity and selfishness there that would set the tone for our on and off again relationship. He is my soul mate my other half. I can truly say that he is the only man I have ever loved to this magnitude and years ago when I finally decided to let it go so I could move on, I knew I would never love or find a love like the one that he and I have shared.

Through the years there was much dishonesty on his part and in a sense I loved him so much that I looked past it and often tried to make it work again, over and over again for a period of 4 years. I started to come to the realization that I was not in his plan the way I wanted to be. Yes, he wanted to be with me but it was on his terms which was to move to the deep, deep dirty South and leave my then two children behind... not. Long story short it did not work, he long moved on before the end of relationship and I rekindled a romance, got engaged and a short time after that I was with child. He and I still kept in contact and more so in the midst of my break up and being faced with having this baby and raise this child by myself (he was one of a few friends who helped me through that time).

I remember the day we both realized that we really had to end our friendship because it interfered with his new relationship. We both cried like some one close to us had tragically died. From that point on I decided to put him and the last four years out of my mind because I had a child on the way and two existing children that needed their mother to be happy, functional and whole so I concentrated on caring for them and accomplishing my goals. Even though we agreed to end our friendship he still called me, talked to me, checked up on us, made sure the kids and I had everything we needed and to remind me that he will never stop loving me... that is why the both of say, "you and I can be separated by time and space but some how we always come back to one another." He says, " Lady, that is because of our cosmic fate, the bond that we have as soul mates". Gawd I hate that sometimes....

Anyway, years later and being trapped in a very unsavory relationship has made him realize that he made a huge mistake letting me walk away, however I am not buying it. He has expressed that he wants a chance at winning my heart back. His friend I was and will always be until the end but for me to allow him to work on winning my heart again when he returns to DC?? I don't know. For the two of us to just up and get married before the end of the year? That is too much for my brain cells to process right now.

At this stage he is working on coming back to DC in July. He has begged me to give him until then to make somethings happen before I totally close my mind to the idea of him redeeming himself and atoning for the hurt that he has caused me. Reluctantly I said ok, but as I see the plans unfold and everything start to be set in motion the reality that he is very likely coming back is making me a bit uneasy. My feelings??? I care for him and do love him and even if I have to use myself as bait for him to get out of his situation then I am willing to do such a thing but I am still having a hard time fully opening my mind...until I had a conversation with a friend. He pointed out to me that as long as I hold anger towards Prodigal for everything he has put me through I will never feel for him what everyone knows I truly feel for him. Gawd I hate him some times because his ass is always right. Just Ugh! But at this point we will have to see what happens once he steps foot back into the DC City limits. To Be Continued....

Oooo I Think He Like Me... Or Is He Stalking Me???

So, I met this guy last year, online no less... I really need to stop giving online men the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, on Valentine's Day we ended up going out on a date, our first date. It was nothing romantic or spectacular, we went to play pool. I whipped his butt...we had a few drinks the end or so I thought. After he dropped me off he called me and we talked for hours. Since then we have spoken almost everyday for hours. Through our conversations I realized that he and I don't want the same things, nor do we have the same out look on a lot of key things, yet he was trying to push our situation down a path that he expressed he was not ready to go down. Dude, if you are not ready to go then why bother??

The more we spoke to each other the more I began to feel that he would not be able to contribute anything significant to my life and that basically there was no sense of us speaking because it was not going any where and plus talking to him leaves me drained and with a big ass migraine. The first time I told him that I think we should just cut it short and stop communication with one another, his ass argued me down. He really acted like we were on the debate team and his ass has prepared for this days in advance. He kept on bringing up points as to why we should not stop our communication with one another and he felt I should in turn give him what he felt was a valid reason why we should no longer speak. Can we start with you are a dumb ass? Opps, sorry that slipped.

He had asked me out to dinner and I told him that I couldn't and the only weekend I had free was to be my weekend of solitude and I had planned on being out of pocket on that weekend. During my weekend of solitude he blew my phone up with calls and text messages, asking me where I was. I figured from then on I would ignore him then maybe he would get the hint and go away. Not. Dude took it to face book. He wrote on my face book page that he was about to put out an APB and wanted to know where have I been. A few days later he IMs me through face book asking me, where have I been. A couple of more text messages and phone calls later he calls me tonight and leaves me a message. He is SINGING on my voice mail! Imagine cat in a bag getting beat with a stick, then dipped in ice cold water and thrown down a flight of stairs type singing. All I could think was Why me LORD?! WHYYYYYY?!

It feels like no matter what I do I can't get rid of him...So what is the line between really liking someone and being a stalker???

Job Loyalty

Today I got a call to interview for a position with a Federal Government Agency. After I got off the phone I started to have anxiety about interviewing for this position because I don't interview very well. How can I work in HR, in the area of staffing and recruitment specifically and not interview well?? Hell if I know, I just don't. Anyway, after I stopped panicking about this interview I kind of started to feel bad about the possibility of leaving my job. I have been there for over a year so it is not like I just started but I do know that I am relied on heavily for everything and a large part of my job is hand holding both candidates, hiring managers and the recruiters I support. Yeah they would replace my ass but it would not be a quick replacement, thus they would be in a bind... the thought of that makes my stomach knot up.

This whole situation reminds me of a girlfriend that I have, we all refer to her as "The Hustla". She has zero job loyalty and does not feel bad about it. As soon as she gets a new job she updates her resume and start pushing it around and networking in order to find a better gig than what she has. A better gig could come through a few hours or a few days after starting a new gig and she would be handing in her resignation on her way out the door. In some way I admire her boldness and her ability to got after more than what she has.

Anyway... her philosophy on this subject has always been, employers have no loyalty to you so why have loyalty to them? She has always stood firm on the premise that if you die tomorrow they would have an opening to fill your position before the funeral services were to be held. True, true.

I am not going to say that her expressed feelings on the situation have sueded my position on it because it did not. My stomach still knots up at thought of leaving my employer in a bind but at the end of the day the fact that I want to do something different, the stability of a government job, cost of living raise each year and the ability to be promoted quicker is enough to make me drink a whole bottle of Milk of Magnesia and keep it pushing.