The Prodigal Man...

I have been dreading writing about this particular topic because writing about it is going to make me admit somethings that I am just not ready to admit right now... this will not be the only entry, it will more likely be a series as this has been a situation that has gone on for years and when I say year I mean since February 25, 2002 (yes I have a long memory). Those of you who have known me for a long time know who the man is that I refer to as the Prodigal Man and those who don't just sit back and read, don't try to figure it out because you won't. LOL!

I met him years ago when he was a 4th year senior at Howard University while online for a certain fraternity. He was charming, young (a few years younger than me), intelligent but on the flip side there was an immaturity and selfishness there that would set the tone for our on and off again relationship. He is my soul mate my other half. I can truly say that he is the only man I have ever loved to this magnitude and years ago when I finally decided to let it go so I could move on, I knew I would never love or find a love like the one that he and I have shared.

Through the years there was much dishonesty on his part and in a sense I loved him so much that I looked past it and often tried to make it work again, over and over again for a period of 4 years. I started to come to the realization that I was not in his plan the way I wanted to be. Yes, he wanted to be with me but it was on his terms which was to move to the deep, deep dirty South and leave my then two children behind... not. Long story short it did not work, he long moved on before the end of relationship and I rekindled a romance, got engaged and a short time after that I was with child. He and I still kept in contact and more so in the midst of my break up and being faced with having this baby and raise this child by myself (he was one of a few friends who helped me through that time).

I remember the day we both realized that we really had to end our friendship because it interfered with his new relationship. We both cried like some one close to us had tragically died. From that point on I decided to put him and the last four years out of my mind because I had a child on the way and two existing children that needed their mother to be happy, functional and whole so I concentrated on caring for them and accomplishing my goals. Even though we agreed to end our friendship he still called me, talked to me, checked up on us, made sure the kids and I had everything we needed and to remind me that he will never stop loving me... that is why the both of say, "you and I can be separated by time and space but some how we always come back to one another." He says, " Lady, that is because of our cosmic fate, the bond that we have as soul mates". Gawd I hate that sometimes....

Anyway, years later and being trapped in a very unsavory relationship has made him realize that he made a huge mistake letting me walk away, however I am not buying it. He has expressed that he wants a chance at winning my heart back. His friend I was and will always be until the end but for me to allow him to work on winning my heart again when he returns to DC?? I don't know. For the two of us to just up and get married before the end of the year? That is too much for my brain cells to process right now.

At this stage he is working on coming back to DC in July. He has begged me to give him until then to make somethings happen before I totally close my mind to the idea of him redeeming himself and atoning for the hurt that he has caused me. Reluctantly I said ok, but as I see the plans unfold and everything start to be set in motion the reality that he is very likely coming back is making me a bit uneasy. My feelings??? I care for him and do love him and even if I have to use myself as bait for him to get out of his situation then I am willing to do such a thing but I am still having a hard time fully opening my mind...until I had a conversation with a friend. He pointed out to me that as long as I hold anger towards Prodigal for everything he has put me through I will never feel for him what everyone knows I truly feel for him. Gawd I hate him some times because his ass is always right. Just Ugh! But at this point we will have to see what happens once he steps foot back into the DC City limits. To Be Continued....