Let's Be Clear...

Last week I was invited out to lunch and I declined. Well, in the midst of the invite I was being teased for being anti social (most times I'm too busy to leave for lunch), which annoyed the shit out of me. So you ask if you had admitted that you are anti social then why did that annoy you? It's the truth. Ok yes, I admit there are times I don't want to be around people, I HATE small talk and forced conversations. But dammit don't call me out especially in front of outside folks.


So let me set some things straight in social settings I am very social and actually quite flirtatious depending on the scene and event. Work is a whole other animal. I'm really not cool with some people that I work with like that. My supervisor and less than a handful of co workers I have a friendship with outside of work and a few that fall within that small group I am close with.

What am I reallly saying? I don't fuck with the others like that. If I don't feel comfortable around you, don't trust you, you're not my kind of crazy, if you are all caught up in office politics, or hell if I just don't like you and/or your personality then in all likelihood I'm not dealing with you outside of what ever FAVOR I so choose to do for you.


This has been burning me since last week and I feel better now that I have gotten that off my damn chest.

Speaking of work, my pet work peeve of the day is...folks talking on the cell phone while in the bathroom. Reason #1200 why I hate using public bathrooms especially the bathrooms at work. Though the person on the phone is rather interested in hearing why your husband cheated on you and left your ass 1)I'm not interested in hearing that shit (nor do I want to actually hear you shit) while I'm trying to empty my bladder (I require silence)and 2) the person on the line may not be interested in hearing me (and possibly multiple other people) emptying my bladder. So with that I say, stop that shit. It's disturbing.

My Heart...

I have been sitting here for the last 30 minutes or so trying to put what I am feeling into words....ok so I have been on the phone for a good portion of that time but still, translating it is kind of difficult.

Anyway...

I hate the conflict between my mind and my heart. As always my heart is far beyond where my mind is...wayyyyy to far.

I mean damn! Can my heart not race when ever I hear his voice? When he kisses me here there, there and there, can I not melt (inside and out)?:-) Do I always have to lose focus when he calls or texts me? This ultra warm and fuzzy feeling has been over taking me for the last month or two and it getting stronger. I guess what I am feeling is actually happiness to a degree (among other things) which is a feeling I have not experienced in a long time. Yet, the whole situation just makes it so bitter sweet.

I kind of hate not feeling comfortable enough to fully indulge in and enjoy the feeling or even the moments that I have with this person. I swear if there were such thing as true and complete perfection for me, it would be him. For many years I have dated of and on maybe had a relationship here and there but in all those situations I have never been willing to give that person the world nor allow them completely into mine. Surprisingly I feel as though I want to give this person the world and let him run loose in my world...oh wait that shit is scary right there I can't allow running loose in my world but y'all get what I'm saying.


I had rejoined a dating site (not eharmony...bastards) thinking that if I stepped my dating game up then maybe I would have a few distractions and in time the feeling I have for him will fade away due to said pleasant distractions. I'm beginning to feel as though that is not going work out like that. I swear this feels like 2002-2004 all over again...how do I manage to get myself into these predicaments (rhetorical question)?


This sucks. I need to get my heart and emotions under control but it's like quick sand... the more I fight it the more I sink.

Stay cool folks!

Weightloss...

Speaking of plans. LOL! I have unsuccessfully attempted to get back on the wagon with changing my eating habits and I seriously don't feel as though I am properly preparing myself to eat through out the day. I got an iphone app that is supposed to help track calories, which I stopped using 1000 calories ago and Zumba for Wii that is still sitting in the box collecting dust....Yes, the whole thing reeks of poor planning, lack of will and motivation. *sigh*

Oh and I cannot forget about the other thing that is contributing to my fatness, my friends, my comforters, my confidants; Ben & Jerry's, New York Super Fudge Chunk specifically. It is like a drug and to display how strong of a hold B&J have on me I leave you all with this video...

The Best Laid Plans...

"The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry"- Robert Burns

Truer words have never been spoken. I have spent months planning out how the rest of the year would go for me, I have anticipated on how things would happen only for them to not happen at all or not happen within my time frame. None the less I have allowed myself 24 hours to cry and wallow in the disappointment of it all before wiping my eyes, putting on big, big girl panties and changing my plans accordingly.

My cousin just said to me. "You want to make God laugh? Tell him what your plans are." God is laughing so hard he is rocking the pearly front gates to the kingdom. I seriously thought I could spend another year in my apartment and send my daughter to private school; however the money was not right and by the time I got to have a sit down with her teachers to figure out if she was kindergarten ready it was to late to get financial aid to help with the private school tuition.

Yeah I know public school is a cheap alternative but not when you reside in PG County, MD and the neighborhood school has not met its No Child Left Behind requirements in some areas, especially in the area for children with special needs.

Not being able to do for your children in the manner one would like is the worst feeling in the world and the fact that my child would be in a less than stellar situation was not sitting right with me. God maybe laughing but this right here ain't funny. As always I have a Plan A, Plan B and a really half ass Plan C. With the help of my girlfriend, Rani, (I should start giving her credit in APA style)we researched the schools in the different counties and I decided the best thing would be for me to tote it back to Anne Arundel county.

I liked living in Anne Arundel for the most part. My only complaint was the long commute and no carry outs within a 5 mile radius. But to live in a nice, quiet neighborhood with a good school near by I will build a bridge and get over it. So in short I found a house, got approved to rent it and I will be on the first thing smoking out of this over priced ghetto which I currently reside in. The plan (I use plan so loosely)? Is to stay in the house for a few years and then purchase a home.

Anyway, I applied for a new position within my company. I ended up being one of the top two candidates. The manager was torn because we were both very strong candidates. Well his worry was for nothing as they ended up having to cancel the position due to lack of funding. Surprisingly, I wasn't disappointed about it. My current role was changing and once again I was going to operate on my Plan B but something...something surprising came out of no where...I guess I can call it Plan God, LOL! A position was created and I was specifically requested to come in and take on this new role. Yep! I took it. More responsibilities, more room for professional growth and oh yeah more money. Cha ching!

My love life...hummmm.... welll...pray for me y'all..moving on...

On another note a very random note...I hate when a man kisses, touches and over all handles me all rough. That is a total turn off...I am a woman and I would appreciate it if you did not handle me as if I were a man sharing a jail cell with you. Thanks- Management.

Anyway! Even though things did not work out the way I planned for them to, in the grand scheme of things everything still worked out. Praise Him!



Alright folks I'm off to sleep have to start the new position in the AM. Night All!

Rants, Updates and All That Good Stuff

The last few weeks have been some shit. I don't know what has been up with me but I have been in a state of some form of irritation. Either I have been irritated, easily irritated or one more word from being irritated.

The first source of my irritation; why do people want what the hell I have? For real! Seriously! If one more person comes to my desk and requests for me to order them something (or wants to know where I got it from) because they see I have it and they want it, I am going to scream. Just because you got stuff like me does not mean you are going to get like me or be me. You will still be lazy and you will still leave me in wonderment as to how the lazy and incompetent still stay employed.

Second, I don't mind getting compliments on my make up, it is nice to know that I have developed skills in that area over the last 9 months. I REPEAT the last 9 months. You have seen me daily for the last 9 months and every day I have make up on. So why make it seem like this shit is new to you and I an getting it all glammed up for some damn man?? I mean how many time do I have to say I LOVE make up, it is a hobby and one of these days, when I grow the hell up I would like to be a professional make up artist (as a side job)? Evidentially, I speak but I am rarely heard until I start screaming. *eye roll*

Ok so last irritant, those that act like they can't do anything for themselves and expect me to do it. You're grown, can read directions, therefore you can do it yourself (clapping hands while chanting Hercules! Hercules!). Those who either; don't let you off the elevator before they get on, pass nasty ass gas right before they get off the elevator (right before you get on) and people who just over all suck. See? I wasn't lying when I said I have been irritable.


Ok so I stopped seeing the Young Tender I was seeing a few months ago. I did not like the way things were going and essentially it was not what I wanted. Though he was really sweet and left a great impression on me, (give me hope there are some good guys out there) he was not sure about being in a relationship with me and I was not sure he was ready for alllllll this here so I let it go. We are still cool. We talk and text from time to time (ok we text almost every day). I am on to what ever comes next and I am hoping what ever come next is some one of my wants and needs (hopefully he is my age or older) because this dating shit sucks. Until next time folks be easy!

A Meatless Life

I mentioned in my last entry that I did the Lemonade Diet and my diet there after would consist of fruits, vegetables and seafood. I have been on this same diet for the past 3-4 weeks and I can say I am beginning to get bored with it. I really need to find new recipes before I kill me a cow, make steaks and ground beef just to keep things interesting. I know that may sound extreme but it is all joke as I have not had a real craving for meat; well with the exception of fried chicken. Lord, I would love to have some KFC right now. Ugh, I suppose my Morning Star chicken patties will have to satisfy that urge. In the mean time please share your veggie only recipes with me.

Anyway...

Things with my new "friend" and I seem to be moving a long slowly (which is good) but smoothly. He is such a sweetie and he most certainly got me into the Valentine's Day spirit last week. :)It is nice to have someone to spend time with and talk to. Over all I am seriously having fun and enjoying the moment. I am supposed to be working from home so let me get back to that. Peace, joy and much happiness to you all. Later folks!

"If You Fail To Plan, Then You Plan To Fail"

That is a quote that my sorority sister lives by and it was not until I really started hitting my weight loss journey hard that I truly understood the meaning of that quote. Two nights ago I was being so lazy in making sure I made my lunch and had my breakfast ready to take with me to work. Hell I even forgot my water bottle. I spent the next morning in the kitchen rushing to get everything together and of course for rushing I forgot something. My forgetting forced me to go down stairs and buy what I needed which in turn resulted in my spending unnecessary money, which is yet another thing I am working hard not to do; in the end I have got to be more mindful and do better until all of this becomes a habit.

The beginning of last month I had the flu and did not eat for approximately 5 days. After I got over the flu I went straight into The Master Cleanse aka The Lemonade Diet and I was on it for 10 whole days. After that experience not only did I want to eat food but I knew I could make it through anything, thus I am really going to be more on my planning so I can loose this 50 plus pounds I need to loose ( I lost 13 being sick and doing the cleanse).


Anyway...


I have met some body...well we actually met last summer at my line sister's house and he had been asking her about me since we met (persistent man). Now you may ask why didn't I speak to him last year? Because I automatically put a wall up when I found out how old he was. I was like hmmm nope, not, never going to happen. Even though my line sister urged me to talk to him with claims that he was extremely mature for his age and that if I gave him a chance and at least spoke to him I would think that he was much older than he is. At that time I said "negative" and threw up the deuces.

So we fast forward to last month, my line sister is moving and she is making her calls asking people to help her with some things. She called ole boy and ask him to help and he inquires about whether I am going to be there or not. The night I went over there to help her with her move she calls him to let him know that she really did not need him that day and that I was there; he came over, we sat down and had a nice conversation. He asked for my number, I gave it to him and gave me a huge hug before he left.

Ok, there is no real dilemma in this at all. We have talked everyday for the last month and I like him, his conversation, hit wit and he is extremely mature seemingly responsible and more established than most men I have met (own house, car been at the job 3 plus years, going to school etc;) BUT I am trying to not let his age bother me. I am getting there as the more we talk the more I forget how old he is because his conversation is just like whoa to me.

Ok, anyway I am intrigued by him and I am taking my time to get to know him because I actually really want to get to know him. I also decided that I am going to rush things, enjoy the moment and see what happens if anything. :)


I must go and get back to work. Peace out Folks!