About two or three months ago I met someone that I felt as though and still feel as though I have a strong connection with. I think some where in the midst of us talking to each other I began to really feel some kind of way about how things were going between us. I can honestly say I feel as though I got mixed signals from him along with my own excitement and anticipation of what the relationship was to become. Silly me.
I have been sitting here wondering why the hell I have been letting this weigh me down or put me in a funk?? I mean this had me back in this place where I felt like completely giving up on dating/love all together, again and this time for good. Yet, I have no clue why I was feeling this strongly. I mean care for him but I was/am not in love with him. I'm dating/getting to know other people not just him, so what is it?
I figured out it was my disappointment in how things went considering the fact that we have a lot of commonalities and we have this amazingly strong connection to one another. He can read me and I can read him. Yeah it crossed my mind that I couldn't get away with entirely to much since he was able to read me so well but hey I was willing to take that risk. *shrugs*
Anyway, I'm trying to move past all of this but there is part of me that wants one of his amazing hugs or just wants him to hold me...for some reason I felt safe and secure in those moments. Like I was in a quiet place in the midst of a raging storm even if it was just for a few moments. None the less I am trying hard not to feel as though everything he was saying or feeding me was bull shit...ok so maybe a good 20% of it most likely was some straight bull shit. However, he would always say that he could tell that I have a lot of love inside of me and that is what brings me to my light bulb moment.
I do have a lot of love inside of me to give to someone but I am still waiting for that person worthy of all that love to come through. Part of me wants to give up and throw in the towel, but for some reason there seems to be something inside of me that is greater than me that will not allow for me to do such a thing. It is the same thing that keeps me going even when I feel as though I don't want to continue on with something. So I'm not done with love but I have to stop being so silly about the whole thing that much I know for sure.
It is like a bad pattern that I desire to break. I call myself giving people "outs" and they normally take them but hmmm that hasn't seemed to of happened in this case. I suppose he offered me his friendship by informing me that he is still here and honestly I have no clue what to do with it. So I just stay in my quiet little security blanket of being by myself and just let it work itself out either way.
Anyway...giving up is not an option at all. So I won't. I have a lunch date this week and another date Valentine's day weekend. Not expecting anything except fun and a good laugh (Lord knows I need it right now). I shall see.
Blessings, peace and love to you all.
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