I's A Punk!

Years ago I went to the dentist and was told that my wisdom teeth would have to come out because it was clear by the X-Rays they were impacted. I felt fine did not pay any attention to it so I thought I had time to get it done and put it off for many, many years. Due to time, space, babies, lack of insurance, money all that good stuff I never went back to have them removed.

Over the years my teeth would bother me off and on but it was nothing some Ibuprofen could not handle, until now. I was sick with a sinus cold last month and my teeth were hurting like they ain't (yeah I said ain't) never hurt before. I thought I was in the clear once I got over my little sinus cold but I was not. Here I am three weeks later in serious pain. I have tried to get up the nerve to at least make an attempt to seek out a dental care professional, however the punk in me would not allow for it.

See I don't like needles, sharp objects and or having things cut on or yanked out of my body. I just can't do it at alll. I can't imagine it and I have a low tolerance for pain... seriously I do. In the end my co worker told me (more like commanded) that I had to do something about it because I could not stay in pain so he referred me to his dentist and managed to get an appointment for next week. He offered to hold my hand...lol... he is sooo silly but still I am scared. :(

The nurse explain that I would have to come in so they can see how bad it was and then refer me to the oral surgeon.... ummm surgeon = surgery again, I'm scared. :(

I have to take my daughter to the dentist tomorrow for her first dental appointment and I have been trying to talk to her about it. I have been trying to explain to this child that I have to hold down just to brush her teeth that it is not going to hurt, when I am terrified of the dentist myself. Maybe she is picking up on my feelings about the dentist which is fueling her insistence on not going.

Am I wrong...

For thinking this video is hilariously funny? I have been laughing uncontrollably at this...

Ahhhhhhh....

I feel so much better today. I went to Wednesday night service... I suppose a good does of the word can put just about any one in a better mood. :)

How not to take on too much? I clearly do not know the answer to that question that is why I am asking. In the last two weeks I have taken on a lot of new projects at work and outside of work. Not necessarily saying that it is a problem and I won't be able to handle the work load but I can see things getting out of hand if I am not careful. Ok, so maybe I need to start utilizing the word 'no' (no is my favorite word..LOL!) but there are certain people in my life that I cannot say no to.

I don't know, considering I am purposely trying to keep myself busy I suppose I shall not complain but I need to set a limit for myself as not to become overwhelmed and essentially burn myself out (which I have been known to do).

I am going to have to schedule some more night like Saturday night for myself to keep me calm, relaxed and sane. ;) I am beginning to see the need and benefit of having a comfort zone.

If...

You realized how much I don't care then maybe you would stop trying so hard. If you realized that I am not easily impressed with material possessions then may be you would stop being so bragadocious. If you stopped to see how I am not phased by you then may be you would actually catch a clue and go away. If you would stop wasting my time like there is an abundance of it then may be I won't be so hesitant to spend time with you. If you stopped and gave some thought to how your actions make me feel and how you would feel if I did the same to you then maybe you would handle things differently. If you realized that I have peeped your game and know what you have been up to then maybe you will realized that I am not pressed for you and I am sitting here laughing my ass off at you.

Yes, yes I am feeling rather irritable and evil today. Don't you ever have one of those days where you just cannot stand people in general?

Things Not To Say...

Yesterday I went to go look at an apartment that I consider to be in the perfect loaction. When I got there we went through the usual Q & A she asked me for my ID so she could show me the model unit. She showed me all the things I was not interested in, like the laundry room. No maam, no, no, no mamm. When will you be putting the washer and dryers in the rest of the units? Don't do laundry rooms. Plus, I am going to be paying a mortgage in rent, with a "shared utility fee" on top of rent, I have to pay electric as well and you mean to tell me you are going to charge me to use the washer and dryer??? LOL! Nope, nope I will require a in unit W/D mmmmkay?! Thanks!

So as we walk up stairs she takes me outside to show me the security entrance, which is a plus. Damn where was security entrance feature 6 years ago? Anyway, I told her that was a plus for me because I have this pet peeve about people just dropping by my house unannounced. She then told me that it is good but it is a pain when people get the wrong apartment number, apparently she lives in the complex herself. So she was telling me that one of her neighbors has men going in and out of her apartment all day and night like she is running a business out of there, then she said she was going to go and ask her what was she doing for her to have so many men strolling in and out of her apartment.

Now, if you are trying to get me to rent from you then you need not tell me tales of or allude to ho strolling that is going on with in the complex. I have children and I particulary don't want to be around that, especially since I am not getting the business myself (that's a whoooole nother blog). I mean there are just somethings you keep under wraps when you trying to sell something to someone.

I like the place over all and the thing that would bring me back is the in unit washer/dryer, renovated bathrooms (I am particular about my bathrooms) and the security entrance. But the ho strolling stays in the back of my mind. I am still looking though. This has to be a well informed and thought out decision for me and I have to consider all the lil hidden fees apartments are trying to charge now (that's how I got got the last time).

Back to looking for a place to call my home.

Allllll Discombobulate

My phone rang for the fifty millionth time this afternoon and just when I thought it was another anxious candidate calling to find out if there is anything else they need to do before they can start work, it turned out to be the sexiest voice I had ever HEARD!

I damn near fell out of my chair. Since this call was work related I could not flirt and he was trying to keep things as professional as possible. We resolved one issue then I asked him to correct a mistake I made (Sweetly asked for a favor). I was rather thankful when he resolved that issue but when he said, "Yeah that's why they call me Mr. Magic Fingers" I had to wrap the call up because I was feeling light headed and could not think nor breath. At this moment I am rather discombobulated.... I can't think straight. LOL!

And to think this man and I have been scrapping via work email for months... maybe he had it with me and figured he would call to get an explanation. Oh well none the less he made my day... I can't breath.

Anyway...

Parts of my weekend were ok. I got dragged into some home drama and I found out who really has my back this weekend (thanks for being there guys). I made the decision to move out of my Dad's home sooner than later. So, let the apartment hunting begin. Hopefully this will not be a painful experience and I will be writing blogs about how I hate the art of moving come January (or sooner).

Cocktail Conversation... High Fidelity or Infidelity?

Maybe I am an idealist who sets unrealistic expectations for who ever is to be my partner; but I expect any man that is going to be in a relationship with me to be faithful.

As I talk to more and more people about the subject of infidelity and being faithful it seems as though the belief that monogamy is unnatural and unrealistic with in relationships is becoming a very popular one.

Yeah, I get the fact that we as humans are animals and we still posses a basic and primal need for certain things but we do have the choice to do or not to do. I really don't know... I sit and listen to the rationale behind it and I am not going to say that I don't understand it because I can see it from their point of view; I suppose I am focusing more of the emotional hurt that it can cause than anything.

Anyway, I am going to throw a few questions on the floor...

Should people not set a standard or expectation for their partner to be faithful to them? Should infidelity be one of those things that happen? If your home life was good and your partner is taking care of home would you want to know or care if your partner is stepping out?? Could you see yourself going back to and being with some one who has clearly cheated on you?

Addicted...

As of late I realized that I have grown addicted to a few things. I don't know how to stop or at this point I don't think I want to stop. For the last few weeks it has been the following:

Young and the Restless - Good ole CBS done messed up by posting the day's show online. See they post the show recap at 6:30PM and then at 7 PM they post the actual show that aired earlier that day. I cannot stop. Some times I find myself sneaking onto the site from work and looking at the previews and trying to figure out what is going to happen next. It had engulfed me and is now my new addiction.


Milk Duds- I LOVE caramel. It is just a good sweet treat that is yummy scrummy for my tummy. I have been eating nothing but Milks Duds the whole weekend and I can't stop. Even if I have cavities and risk loosing all of my teeth (exaggerating at its finest) I could never stop eating them.

Chick-Fil-A- I went after my good friend Rashad suggested I go in lieu of going back to Wendy's. I can't stop going. I have budgeted money in my monthly budget just to go get Chick- Fil-A for me and the kids.

Ok, maybe these are more phases than addictions. Yeah, like the lime popsicle phase I went through; I craved them for months or the steak phase... errr oh no not the steak phase *nervous laughter* my being pregnant with Lil Bit and not knowing it is what caused the steak phase. I will see what pans out but right now I am going to the store, they have boxes of Milk Duds on sale 10 for $10 and I need to stock up.

This all sucks considering just joined a weight loss challenge at work, now I have to sneak and hide. Just UGH!

It's Been A Minute...

Since I last wrote a blog entry. Ok, it has been a little over a week but for me that is a minute. A whole lot has been going on with in the foreground and backgrounds of this thing called my life and most of it I have no control over so I have been continuing to focus on the things that I can control and pretty much deal with at this point.

In not trying to focus on the bad but my little cousin, who is 8 (I am the oldest of 16 grandchildren) was just diagnosed with Pre-B Leukemia and has been enduring tests and chemotherapy treatments for the last few weeks; the battle looks like it will be a long one as they have no set date for when she will be released from the hospital. Though they caught it in the early stages and they say it is curable (and I know that God is good he will heal her) it is all taking a toll on her parents and the family as a whole. So, prayers are requested. Thanks! :) I hate when something like that hits the kids...this is the kind of thing that keeps me up nights starring at the kids while they sleep, praying they remain happy and healthy.

Anyway...

My most recent ex has requested we get back together and I was/am skeptical of it all. It's all good though because he is not making much effort in "trying" to get us back together and my mind is not there... he is probably reading but he knows all of this. The other ex that I discussed in two other blog entries and I have been talking. This person was my friend before we started dating and he will for ever be my friend. We had not spoken in months because I needed time to accept things for what they are and get back into the mind set of him and I having to just be friends (we split due to circumstances beyond both our control). None the less I like having my friend back.

I swear he is the definition of a good man, how a man is supposed to treat and be with a woman. I suppose it is what it is, I am not tripping about any of it because looking at some on going situations of my friends as of late I am beginning to feel happy about being single and not having to deal with the drama, hurt and pain that can possibly come about when in a relationship with someone. Ok, so I am using that as an excuse or cop out so to speak to avoid (my avoidance issues) having to give my love and let down my guard to allow some one in, but it is what it is. What am I to do about that exactly? Who knows?

Moving on quickly...lol...

I have so much catching up and reading to do on everyone elses spots it is ridiculous. See, this is what happens when I take a 5 week Economics course which is to be immediately followed my a 5 week Marketing class... what was I thinking? I want to get this isht over with, that is what I was thinking.

Avoidance...

No, I have not been avoiding writing blog entries as of late. I simply have not really felt like blogging. Hasn't any one ever felt that way before? Also there seems to be some things going on that can pan out either way and I rather not blog about them until I definitely know how things are going to turn out, considering the fact that I am not focused on such things lets just say it may be a while before it shows up as a blog entry.

Any way...

I am not much of a confrontational person. Yeah if I have to become confrontational then yes I will be, but I prefer not to be, especially when it requires for me to make a decision, say some things that may hurt feelings or have a discussion about past events and feelings. Negative.

This is precisely the reason why I like to keep people at arms length and restrict their ability to come into contact with me. It is so easy to ignore an email, delete a text message, send a mofo to voice mail or stay invisible on IM and with my not divulging where I live I can avoid those coming to your house in your face type situations (I used to hate those). Yeah, the in your face situations make the whole act of avoidance difficult, can't necessarily avoid what is in your face and that is where one has no choice but to confront the situation that they have been presented with.

See all that is the part of the reason why I am glad classes have started back up today, now I have a serious legitimate distraction from it all. I know my avoidance may not be healthy for me but it works. :) Maybe one day I will work through it all but today is not going to be the day and starting tomorrow looks very unlikely.

So until my next entry (Lord only knows when that will be) stay easy all of my two, maybe three readers. LOL!