I am sure we have heard both side of the story of men and women, more specifically black men and women. You know? Why it is so hard for us to have successful relationships and some people spouting that black women have become to independent and they act like they don't need a man blah, blah.
Granted I don't know how much truth lies with in those thoughts but I do know that there are a few things that have recently happened that made me wonder if there is truth to the theory...probably not but follow me and we shall see.
A few weeks ago I ran out of gas at my job. I wanted to be to work on time and felt that I had enough gas to get me to work and go to the gas station at lunch time. Well surprise, surprise I didn't and I can I tell you that my worst fear is running out of gas? Thank the good Lord for AAA or so I thought. I called AAA and they inform me that it is illegal for them to bring fuel out to me because of the county I ran out of gas in and the only thing they could do was come and tow the truck to the gas station so I could put gas in it. While I was on the phone with them my co worker comes up wondering why my face was all frowned up. I told him I ran out of gas his first instinct was, "Ok Lady come on let's go." mine? naw I'm good I am on the phone with AAA *thumbs up*. When he heard me say, "What's do you mean it is illegal for you to deliver fuel to me?" he hung the phone up for me and he said let's go.
He took me to the auto parts store and I bought a gas can we went to the gas station and he was putting gas in his car while I was trying to figure out how to get the cap detached from the can. He had me pull some cutting tool out of his car and saw I was going to try to cut the plastic cord myself and immediately did it for me, I went to get my debit card so he could run it through and put gas in the can, but he filled it up for me right after he filled his tank up. When we got back to the car he refused to allow for me to do anything in terms of making sure gas got into my car and the car got started. Perfect gentleman?? Yes he was but it felt awkward and weird for me to allow someone to do all of this for me. Why? Because I am so used to HAVING (emphasis to show that it is not because I chose but because I have to)do everything by myself, with out additional help or assistance from any one. So for me in theory it is not because I am to independent, it is because I have been independent for so long that I don't know how to allow myself to depend on any one else. However, some one made comment that I was a typical black women when they found out about all that had transpired...moving on...
My last night in Atlanta my girlfriends and I went to a jazz club. The service was horrible and our bills were wrong in the worst way. We had requested to see the manager but ended up having to wait because she was taking other complaints from other people who felt the service was poor that night. Well, there was this man at the next table who was on a date with a nice young lady. The man was getting rather loud with the manager about his issue. Apparently the issue was that he was promised a free bottle of wine. They charged him $42 for the bottle of wine that he was told he was to receive for free. With to go boxes on the table in bags he ended up refusing to pay for not only his bottle of wine but he refused to pay for the meal alll together. So, the manager was like please just pay and leave. He informed her that not only was he not paying but he was not leaving. He stated he had phone records showing he was to receive a free bottle, he was not paying for bad service blah, blah, all the while lil bit was sitting there quiet. It escalated and the manager has called the police to come make him pay and remove him from the restaurant.
Now, we are all hearing this go down because he was rather loud about the situation and his table was right next to ours. All at the table are professional black women who collectively and individually could pay for the bottle of wine and therefore we felt as though we would speak up in that situation. We felt we would tell him to just pay it and let's go, or we would offer to pay it ourselves, or we would give him the money back at the end of the night but we felt that getting the police called on you over a $42 bottle of wine was over the top. Yes, we also felt the manager lacked customer service and should have eaten that $42 bottle of wine just to get dude out of there. None the less we were rather shocked that his date sat there and said nothing the whole time. Just curious but if we were to intervene and say hey, here's my card just put the wine on my card or here is $42 or babe just stop and pay for it, would that be a shot to a man's manhood?? I'm just curious. And yes, I seriously want an answer to that question.
Though I know I would be the one to not have said anything considering how mad dude had gotten...ok let me stop lying. LOL! I would have told him to just pay it and we will take it up with their corporate office later. But I also would have been hot as fish grease at having to be escorted out by the police and he would have heard it on the way home... something like that should have never escalated to police intervention.
Ok... so in telling what I thought was a funny story to my co worker I still got the typical black woman response. But why does it have to be all that? I seriously think that allowing a man to be a man is an issue more of trust than an issue of being entirely to independent to where one may feel they don't need a man. Can't that be a valid theory as well? Can't there be an understanding of that and some one being patient enough to allow said female to be comfortable with not having or needing to do it all??
Ok, my head is starting to hurt I have done enough deep thinking for one day.
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