Damn...

I logged onto Yahoo this morning to be greeted with the news that my bank had sold out to Citigroup. That little tid bit of news did not bring any happiness to me this morning and it actually brought about a strong curiosity as to exactly what changes are going to take place and when?

At this point there are all of four major commercial banking institutions left and only one I particularly have a liking for and since I cannot stand Citigroup I am just might be leaving before my unconditional free checking complete with Way 2 Save account is completely ripped away from me, forcing me to conform to sucky Cititgroup BS (yes I went and looked to see what Citigroup has to offer).

If any one can recommend a good bank then please let me know. If all else fails I will just go back to the old tried and true credit union.

What's Your Price?

I was on CNN's website yesterday and came across an interview with a Louisiana lawmaker trying to to push a law/program that will pay low income mothers $1k to get their tubes tided, in efforts to decrease the stress on the welfare system down there.

I told my girlfriend about it because I know she is a proponent of forced sterilization in instances where folks who can't afford children, won't stop having them. When I told her about it she jokingly (at least I hope) said that she would tie her tubes for 1k because she was broke.

This morning as I was getting ready I was thinking about our other conversations that we have had over the last few month about what we would or would not do for money or to ease our financial woes. It just made me wonder how far would anyone go? What is your price and what would you do for that price?

Me, personally? I don't know, what my price is and I clearly don't know what I would do for said price.... what ever it may be.

I truly think that my growing up in the conditions that I grew up in has made it so I can live under the conditions of being broke; as clothes shopping for us kids consisted of us going to the fabric store and picking out a pattern of our choice along with the fabric for my mother to sew our clothes. Once I hit 15, 16 years of age I was able to get a job after school and work thus in my mother's eyes I was on my own to fin for myself (i.e. cloth, feed etc;) so I had to figure out a way to make sure I had all that I needed.

I suppose growing up teetering on the poverty line has always placed me in a state of not being phased by the concept of money and how much of it I have or what I will do to get it. I have always been thankful and content to have the things that I needed in life and always sat down writing out lists and plans on how I am going to increase my finances. <~~~ hey I like to do certain things that need funding.

Yet and still I know how to stretch a dollar... ok in these times I would say five dollars but still I can do it, I know how to get creative with it. LOL!

Anyway... at this time my answer to my own question really is I don't know. I am pretty sure I have a price and a limit to how far I will go or what I will do; but I have not discovered it nor do I particularly want to.

So, what say you? What would you do and how much are you charging?

The Price of Comfort

For the last few months my left eye has been twitching and the twitching has gotten considerably worse with in the last two to three weeks. It was not until I turned my office light off as I was trying to shut down my computer to go home yesterday that I realized being in the dark was sooo much better than sitting under those florescent lights.

Considering I was not fortunate enough to be assigned an office with any kind of a window I figured I would have to buy a lamp. My girlfriend recommended Ikea. I went onto the Ikea website and immediately found lamps that would illuminate my office with out putting me into the poor house. I figured I would go on my lunch break today, run into Ikea and come right back to work. NOT!

With this being my first time stepping foot into an Ikea store I was a tad bit overwhelmed by the lay out. I have been in big warehouse type stores but the layout of this Ikea sucked. I felt like I was lost in a damn maze. It was not until I asked the lady if they had a section solely consisting of lamps that I got some significant direction.

She looked at me like I was in sane for even asking where the lamps were located but got a great understanding when I told her I have never been in this store before. <~~~ Heffa

Anyway...

I was on the first floor feeling like I was seriously caught up in the damn Matrix. Then some random customer comes up to me and asked me if I worked there. Hayle naw dude! Don't you see that I am not dresses in Ikea gear?? Do you not see that I am clearly distressed trying to maneuver this maze they call a damn store?

I swear the things we do for comfort... I finally chose a cheap lamp and high tailed it back to work. I had spent enough time trying to find my way around that damn store. I suppose it was worth it though because it is providing me with a comfortable amount of light.

The trip still messed up my game plan. In light of PETA's attempt to force Ben & Jerry's to use human breast milk to make their ice cream opposed to cows milk, I felt it was my duty to stop by the grocery store, stock up on Ben & Jerry's ice cream then turn around and get a chicken sandwich from Chick Fil A.

I have nothing against folks who don't eat meat, wear fur etc; because truth be told, I really don't eat meat much my damn self if at all. I am just feeling as though some things just get taken a little bit to far. There are good ideas, then there are not so good ideas and making ice cream with human breast milk to sell to billions of people around the world is not one of those good ideas.

At this moment they need to STAD and STFU.<~~~ I say with a coke and a smile.

Hmmmmm...Fishing For Info??

My ex just called me out of the blue and asked me if there was "a church wedding in my future". My first response to that was to laugh, not because the thought, the idea of my remarrying is ridiculous, that could be far from the truth; it just that marriage is not on my radar right now.

When I asked him what would make him ask such a question, he told me that he had a dream that I got married. As he was telling me about this "dream" I began to wonder if this was his way of finding out my status with out putting himself out there... he is a real forward person... naw he would not do that, or so I thought.

After he finished telling me about this big beautiful wedding I had, he then again asked if there was "a church wedding in my future". Honestly, I have no clue when God has a church wedding in store for me and right now a church wedding is not my focus, which is what I explained to him.

The point of the conversation began to become clear to me when he asked, "you mean to tell me in these 9 months you have not had any suitors?" so I gave him a brief synopsis (very brief, not worth speaking of) of that last relationship that I was in.

So after I finished that 5 min explanation, he started creeping in with how he has been THINKING about me and as he started to tell me how he has been thinking about me, his phone went dead.

Now all I can do is just sit here with a blank stare and vigorously shake those thoughts and the conversation out of my head. I am trying to keep my focus on where it has been the past three months...

Like I said in a previous post they always, always come back.

Wendy's, Will They Ever Get it Right?

As 5 PM is quickly approaching I am starting to think about what to cook for dinner and decided that along with the days boredom I am also feeling lazy so I will treat the Lil one tonight and go get something.

In knowing my child she is going to want Wendy's; though their food is really good their service SUCKS. Yes, I am about to start complaining or as I like to say expressing my observations in a critical manner.

I can deal with the cashiers at the window but my GOD, can they get the order right? Can I get more than one napkin? Can I also get some ketchup or even asked if I want anything besides sauce for my daughter's nuggets?

I am still trying to figure out how the chic that took my order last time got a medium from my saying SMALL?? I just don't understand. Oh and what takes the cake is when they are not like "welcome to Wendy's how may I help you??" but more so, "wha chu want?"

Also, what is up with them getting rid of their $0.99 menu? Damn I knew the economy was bad but is it really that bad to take 4 pc. nuggets from $.99 to $1.29 and throw in an extra nuggets for good measure? LOL! So you mean to tell me I am paying $.30 for an extra nugget. Is $.30 going to make all the difference? LOL!

Well, I get better service at McDonald, outside of the guy at the McDonald's drive through window that stares at me like he has something REALLY, really, really important to ask me. Like he has a list of serious questions that I only have the answers to. Well, either way we are going to McDonald's tonight and that is my final word on it.

Random Stuff...

It is so weird to go from having thoughts that run one after another, to thinking about and trying to remember the fifty million things I have to do, to just being in a state of pure silence with zero thoughts running through my head. I feel like I am about to go crazy, like I am getting bored and need something to fill my time until school starts back up and the sorority year gets back into full swing (I won't be too active this service year).

Anyway, one of my many pregnant cousins had her baby yesterday. he was so cute, it all took me back to when my children were born. I love me some babies. They are all soft, cute and cuddly. They smell so good and make the cutest noises. Over all I love kids period, I can say that parent hood has been the best part of my life hands down.

Though raising children is very challenging, often times tiring and frustrating it can be down right funny. Kids always say and do the darnedest things. I have always felt as though there is no true love until you experience the love that is between a child and parent. In some ways I really wish I had that type of relationship with my parents but in the end I am glad I have it with my children.

Anyway...

I wish 5 PM would hurry up and roll around so I can go pick my child up from school and take us home.

When I picked Lil bit up yesterday I took the liberty of checking out the shoes the other lil girls in her class were wearing and yes; they were wearing the "fun" shoes. So I figured I would break down and buy her a pair of "fun" shoes for her to specifically wear to school. She has also been begging for a pair of boots too, so I will see. Who knew girls started this early with wanting specific things and being fashionistas? I don't know maybe because in certain aspects of my life I am a late bloomer and just really starting to get into all this fashion stuff and make up.

At any rate I suppose I will allow her to enjoy the fashion freedom this year because once I enroll her in private school next year, all that wear what you want is a wrap. She will be in a uniform Monday thru Friday and I will be a happy mom. Shoot, it is school not a fashion show. <~~~ Wow, I really sounded like a Mom there. Lawd, Jesus help me??

The Ice Cream Social...

Ended up being more of a come get your ice cream then peace out type deal, for which I was down with. I was not down with it out of being anti social but I just had entirely to much work to do today and could not afford to sit and have senseless, painful small talk with some one that I particularly did not care to speak to at that moment (ok so anti social played a role).

I walked into the auditorium and there were three small groups of people collected together in their cliquish circles speaking amongst themselves and I noticed a small group of older guys huddled together (yes black dudes). As I went to go get my creamsicle I felt as though eyes were upon me and boy oh boy was I right. As I turned around to leave I peeped one of the dudes with in their lil guy circle eyeballing me and as I walked out I took note of him making the statement, "I would like a little bit of that"...

Seasoned men need not wish heart attacks or any kind of heart failure upon themselves. In short, leave me alone.

Anyway...

Last week was the end of my Summer quarter and yesterday I registered and finalized classes for Fall quarter so I am happy that I can now spend the next few weeks of coming home and having to do nothing school related.

I am so excited that I am almost done with this decade long project that I want to do back flips. I know I will need to find a tutor for statistic (I hate stats) and possibly logic as those are the two obstacles that are really standing in my way at this point. Outside of logic and stats I can call it done and prepare for starting grad school this time next year.

Once again, God is good.

Some Political Commentary

I don't know about any one else but I am tired of the lying and back biting (more so tired of folks believing that isht) that comes along with politics as I feel it is taking attention off of the real issues that really need to be addressed (i.e. the economy).

I really think any presidential nominee should be required to write out what they are going to do, how they are going to do it and where they intend on obtaining the funds from in order to execute what ever proposed program, policy change, tax cut etc;

Each major paper will publish their proposals (at the same time, no cheating) and the online media will have a special section for readers to go and see the truth in plain English. Granted, the candidates have all this info on their perspective websites but I would like to see something a little more detailed.

Then the American people can have some solid questions and/or comments in regards to the candidates' proposed changes opposed to calling some one an elitist because of their education or deeming someone as a wholesome soccer mom because of the "image" she supposedly portrays. <~~~ rolling eyes

I so cannot wait for this election to be over. Every time I hear a McCain speech I get sick to my stomach and I wish the Dems would take the gloves off and get to clackin them bones (knuckles) on their foreheads.

Since it is apparent that for some people this election has come down to race I would venture to say that each nominee be hidden like the Wizard of Oz only to be a booming voice over a loud speaker and only to be revealed after a winner is declared... I suppose that is fairy tale thinking. But how much worse can it be to elect someone off of proposed changes for the country alone?

Ok, I just had a vision of Martin coming out dressed as Jerome declaring he has won the presidency... oooo bad thought. Yet and still, it is not like we have not already been lead by stupidity, ignorance and ego.

Days Just Run Together...

I am not even in the "awww it's Monday already" mode. My days are beginning to feel as though they are running together more so than ever. Some days I look up and I have to remind myself which day of the week it is. If it was not for the fact that I put all of my appointments in my blackberry and enter meetings and such in my work calender then I would be toast.

Anyway...

Last night my cousin and her boyfriend announced their engagement. It was such a cute and touching moment. I remember when I used to change her diapers.:) My family took the opportunity to make comments on my absence and some attempted to catch up on the goings on in my life, which is not much of anything.

I was not going to even begin to explain to them the whole concept behind the valley moment. They would not get it nor would it go over well. All I could do was let them know if they need me for anything then I am a phone call away and a full tank of gas I will always have to get to who ever needs me. But for now it seems as though God wants me to himself and he want me to focus on four key areas in my life and for once I am going to be obedient to that... just tired of ending up in the same place no matter what I do, so I can't go wrong following God.

I am enjoying a week off from my girlfriend's self reflection assignments. I have often considered going back to see a therapist to work through some past issues in regards to my parents (or their lack of parenting) but with her and her assignments I think that is therapy enough. I am sure once she gets back from her vacation we will be delving deeper into our selves. LOL! Oh wow, I can't wait.

Anyway, yes there is drama in the work place as always. Hey there is never a dull moment doing what I do. Gotta love life as an HR Professional, BUT it is not phasing me in the slightest. I do my work, do it well, keep all documentation, go home and sleep rather well at night. So no worries over here.

Maybe tomorrow's blog will be more interesting.

LBIA...

What is LBIA? Laziest Bitch In America. Yep, that is how I feel today and that is pretty much what I am being today. I don't want to do nothing, nothing at all. I feel like this on most weekends but seriously I work hard during the week and most weekends I am on the go with children in tow so every once in a while I deserve to just sit, with breathing being the only activity for the day.

Anyway, my girlfriend reamed me a new one about buying my daughter brown shoes, two pair no less one for school and one for not in school. I still think what I bought was cute.

<~~~~ see cute for school.

However, she felts as though a little girl should have fun shoes, such as the Dora the Explorer shoes that she will tear up in a matter of weeks.

Plus I kept her little New Balance sneakers that she loves so much, which she will be wearing to school until she finishes tearing those up.

Either way the child has more shoes than most grown woman. LOL! She does not need any more shoes. Shoot there are children running amongst dirt and mud with bare feet. She better hush.

It's Friday?

Yeah, I know it's Friday but it does not feel like it is Friday to me. Despite little things here and there this week has been a really wonderful week; I suppose that is why I don't have that over whelming TGIF feeling.

I notice a few thing about me as I begin to get older. I am not phased by a lot of things and my approach to certain situations are not what they would used to be. Well, except this morning when my daughter acted a straight donkey.

I bought her new shoes last night, three pair to be exact; two to wear outside of school and one to wear specifically to school. All three were cute and she basically picked them out herself, well except for the pair she is to solely wear to school. I am tired of paying for shoes only for her to get out on the play ground and tear them up. So the brown shoes are really cute but they are sturdy.

She was already in a pissy mood this morning and would have delightfully went to school straight from waking up if I let her but no dice, wash your ass lil one, let's go. She cried and screamed the whole time I was washing her and brushing her teeth. I got the brush and told her I would whip her butt if she kept acting a fool; she shut up and went on to go get dressed.

Everything was fine she put her clothes on, no problem. Put her new school shoes on. PROBLEM. This chic had a serious melt down. She tried to take the shoes off, started jumping up and down, crying and screaming that she does not want to wear the shoes. My first thought was, you don't want to wear them that is fine you can go to school bare foot for all I care at this point but I know one thing, you are going to stop these damn tantrums.

She was beginning to get to me and I wanted to drag her back into the bathroom and wear her lil behind out but instead I sat down with her yet again and explained that she wears those shoes to school and the others are for when she does not have to go to school. She did not care but she got real quiet as I began fussing at her.

I fussed down the road and I fussed going back home because I forgot (due to fussing) her blanket and sheet because she pissed through them yesterday at school and I fussed at her alll the way to school. Now granted, usually I don't do a lot of fussing at the kids because I don't allow for them to take me there but she got me this morning. She reallly got me.

The most important thing is she and I have an understanding now, today has been a great day despite her acting a fool and I know this evening when I pick her up she will be my old lovable kid.

The Joys of Parenthood: The Back Seat Driver

I know today is 9/11 however I am choosing not to remember such a day. It was a little to much this morning to leave out the house for work at the same time as my Dad and to wonder will he come home today? Or, will it be like 2001 when I thought I had lost him due to plane going into his new office, he was supposed to be moving into at the Pentagon? I now digress...

All I could say this morning is from the mouths of babes. One thing I know I can expect from my children is for them to check me when I am wrong or when they feel I am wrong. I accidentally cuss around my daughter or the boys and I get, "Mom don't say that!" in unison.
I could express a great disdain for something or some one and I get told to "be nice". I suppose it is good to know that they actually learn the things we teach them and have no issue holding me or any one else for that matter accountable for their mistakes.

So, this morning was no different (though I did not do anything). I was driving to drop Lil bit off at school and she is in the back trying to dictate to me which radio station to play because she did not want to particularly listen to the Russ Parr Morning show this morning. She felt as though Steve Harvey was more appropriate, therefore she was telling me which button to push to get Steve. Negative. I go to work, I pay the car note, I am the parent chill out eat your lil pop tart and hush.

As I was turning into the school parking lot a car was coming in the opposite direction. Mind you I have been driving since I was 16 with very little accidents (eyes darting from side to side), I know how to drive, I know what I am doing however my 2 almost 3 year old had no faith in my driving ability as she screamed, "Pay Attention!"

Ok, so I am thinking she is talking to herself. You know, kids play and they do that from time to time. But no, she was yelling at me. So on the way into the day care I get a lecture on the importance of paying attention and how I need to pay attention.

Mhm, I suppose I will remember and regurgitate this "pay attention" lecture the next time she drops jelly on the floor by way of improperly eating a PBJ sandwich.

The Joys of Parenthood:Boys vs. Girls

Just a foreword, in no way am I saying one is better to have than the other. This is just an account from my experience of being a mother of twin boys and a girl...

With that my girl is much more work than my boys are and I have two of them at the same time. My boys have always been really laid back. Their need for my attention was not very great so long as they had their toys, snacks and juice. With in the recent years they have done the typical kid things; stealing and lying for which they were disciplined for, they understood their punishment and never did it again. Yes, they constantly fight however I nipped that in the bud by forcing them to hold hands. Ha, ha the fun part of parenting is that you can do things like that but I digress...

Now my daughter... she requires, no she demands every last bit of my attention. She is emotional and dramatic but she is very loving and caring little soul. She wants what she wants when she wants it.

For instance yesterday, I was taking her to McDonald's for her weekly happy meal. She decides when we get down the road that she does not want a happy meal, she wants Wendy's and felt that she should state that, which is fine. I am all for children expressing their opinions BUT that doesn't mean things are going your way. When I ask her if she has any money in her pockets as she is whining (more like screaming) for me to turn the other way in the direction of Wendy's she says, "no" and then I proceeded to give her two options, 1) you can take the happy meal that I treat you to once a week, orrrr 2) I can turn around, take you home and make you a PBJ sandwich (by law I am legally required to feed her food, not McDonald's exclusively). What is your pleasure my dear because I am not going to Wendy's. Well, she ate the happy meal with much thanks and appreciation.

Never had I ever had to go through that with the boys. Our conversations went like this...

G: Mommy, thank you for toting us back and forth to school everyday.
Me: Awww baby you are welcome.
J: Yeah Mommy, we love you.
Me: Mommy loves you both too.
G: Mom, you are looking real tired. Are you going to be up to cooking dinner tonight?
Me: Maybe, you might get sandwiches.
G: Well... we are passing McDonald's you can just stop and pick up dinner that way you don't even have to go into the kitchen and you can relax.
Me: Mmmmm, sounds like a plan

See?! Smooth! Had I said naw I will just cook he would have shrug his shoulders and said, "ok, cool" but I like his approach. LOL!

Somethings that will be the same across the board, they will get sick, throw up and possibly shit on you if not then in their beds, for quite a few years after they are successfully potty trained you will see skid marks in countless pairs of their under pants, among not really getting it no matter how much you talk to them about and show them how to wipe. Oh and how can I forget, there is a good chance you will not escape the first 4 years with out someone shitting or peeing on the floor or in the bath tub.

Ahhhhhhhhh, parenthood. Gotta love it! :)

No Complaining, I Suppose

This no complaining challenge is gets a little sticky at times. What could be just a simple opinion can be viewed as a complaint or worse it can easily turn into a complaint. I will be so glad when the end of the month comes that way I won't have to be too conscious (I will still remain slightly conscious) about the level of my complaining; though it seems I really have not been doing much of it prior to the start of the challenge.

Anyway, I am about to walk that fine line of expressing my opinion/sharing observation and complaining.

I was walking down the hall and noticed they were advertising that there is to be an ice cream social today. I LOVE ice cream and it is my weakness and as I was contemplating going to this social in order to get that cold sweet treat that I love so much, I realized that it would require for me to actually sit and have small talk with folks. Now, I don't mind talking to people but I much prefer to talk to people that 1) I know or I am some what familiar with and 2) that I actually like or like something about, therefore I figured I would try to sweet talk, punk what ever you want to call it some one in to bringing me back some ice cream.

Taking this a step further, why does it seem as though companies use enticing things to lure the anti social out their offices? Why does it seem as though it is forced socialization? Why does it seem as though they make you have to choose between free (insert what ever here) and the want to just stay by your damn self?

Yes, I do understand the purpose of socializing especially in the work place but come one now, I have been coming out of my office to do the office rounds and speak to every one. Is that not enough? That is ok, I am going up the street to the store to buy my own ice cream and keep it in the freezer here at work; that way I can have ice cream in the comfort of my own office every day alll day if I so choose.

I really wonder how many people who attend these things feel the same way as I??

Whew, I Dodged a Bullet...

Today I got an email in regards to my most recent ex and reading the email brought me to my knees and made me thank God for having the insight to leave that situation for I realized how much worse it could have gotten. Shoot just my luck had I not have left when I did it would have been the year 2005 all over again for me.

OOOO WEEE! God is good and so is the intuition and common sense he has blessed me with.

Commissioner! Where You At?!

Usually about this time the Commissioner of my Fantasy Football League would be sending out invitations to all the ladies in my crew so we can start getting ready to rumble this season. However, her ass has seemed to disappear... maybe I will take over the reigns.

Last season as the supposed football know it alls where talking trash I sat silent as I beat the dog shit out of all of them and in the end won the #1 spot. LOL! See, precisely the reason why I don't talk trash I just do what I do. Any way it was still a proud moment for me because I don't know JACK SHIGGIDEY about football. I am the type of person that will pick a team based on color and how cute the players look... ok not all the way but partly. I do look at their stats and fantasy points and try to decipher who will be the best pick. I am even more proud that I did not get any help. Though there were some that swore up and down that I got help from my two favorite sports fanatics, but I deeeed it!

This "prissy heffa that don't know shit about no football" is ready to go! Let's do this ladies. Oh and we are suspending the no help rule this year. I want have the ability to consult with some folks. :-P

Moments Like This...

Yesterday I went to pick Lil bit up from school and in conversation her teacher mentioned that she was going to render her officially potty trained and take her out of training status. I was most excited to hear this news as it means a great monthly savings for me with tuition and having to no longer purchase pull ups.

This morning when I dropped her off her teacher handed me her Potty Training certificate making everything official. Though I know it may be a small moment for her, I am still proud of my baby as my boys were not potty trained until they were 3 1/2 well on their way to 4 years of age.

It is moments like these where I truly understand the meaning of "it's his loss", the "his" that I speak of is her father, paternal unit, sperm donor what ever you want to refer him as. All I know is that he made a conscious choice not to play a part in her up bringing. As I look at the person he is I often feel that may be that was the best choice for him to make for her.

Yet, often times I feel sorry for him; he will never know how intelligent she is, he will never know how sweet and loving of a kid she is nor will he ever get to witness all of her miles stones and her over all personal development. Overall that is the greatest reward of being a parent is to watch them grow and develop; to know that all of your advice, wisdom, sacrifice and hard work was not in vain because in some way it is reflective in them.

Now that my baby has conquered this milestone I cannot wait to see what she will do next.

Down In The Valley...

A "valley moment" is something my twin and soror define as an indefinite period of time where you take a step back, reflect on life, work on one self and accomplish somethings in order to emerge a better, wiser and stronger person.

Taking one self to the place down in the valley is not an easy thing to do as it often times requires for one to be still for God knows how long and to completely focus on the basic but most important things in life. Often times one will endure tests and storms during the valley experience; more times than one would like some folks will try to coax one out of their valley experience for a cussing out or something along the lines of catching a case. In away I suppose that is how you know your are getting to the end of valley moment. You are almost done with the mending of the hurt, pain or have conquered what ever took you down in the valley in the first place.

Sometimes I have a tendency to be so hermit like that I just drop off the scene; sometimes I do it on purpose (if I don't want to be found then I will make it so I won't be found), other times by sheer circumstance that comes with focusing on other things.

I can safely say that I am way, way, way down deep in the valley. I have diverted my energies and focus on to so much stuff that I did not realize that I have lost touch with some people that I other wise would stay in touch with. Not that I am worried about it in the slightest, but I find it funny that all the things I have hated to do, have struggled to do concerning focusing my time and energy are kind of beginning to come easy for me. For once I am beginning to enjoy and gain an appreciation for the valley experience.

Should I Yawn or Laugh?

I was talking to my co worker today and I began laughing at a blog I was reading. Hey I am a multi tasker, what can I say? Well, I mentioned that I have another blog that I keep up almost on a daily and he said, "You have to much time on your hands." Oh?? Really?? Ok, and?

In being the smart ass I am I asked if he had any suggestions of things I can do to fill my time??? LOL! He comes up with going onto the good ole Craigslist and reading through the personal ads for entertainment. Ok, I tried that and it was interesting to say the least, some what funny but for the most part kind of like watching paint dry.

My random thoughts while looking at these ads complete with pics...

"Serial killer. Possible rapist. Divorced? Must have buried the wife under the house."

LOL! Sorry, so young yet so cynical.

I think I am going to go back to crocheting. Who wants me to make them a blanket???

Anyway, the silence has been nice. Some times it is a good thing for the phone to not ring, the email and texts not to be going off all the time. It is relaxing, silence is truly golden. I am going to take this time to pray and meditate.

Desire Lost, Indifference Sets In and Randomness Shared

I was originally going to do a Office Pet Peeves entry, however I joined a No Complaining challenge. Basically I cannot complain about anything for 30 days and instead of complaining I have to find a solution to what I other wise would be complaining about or just leave it alone if there is no solution or if it is something I have no control over. So instead of taking a risk of complaining about issues where the only solutions would probably get me written up or worse, I will hold off.

Anyway...

With the final ending of my last relationship I can officially render this chapter closed and never to be reopened again. The funny thing is with the closing of that chapter I left behind the desire that I had to be in a relationship or to find that someone special to share my life with. Don't get it twisted, my anti social behind can and often times does like being by myself but it is nice to have some one to talk to, love me, a special person to do things with and vice versa. Now that feeling, that want, that strong desire is gone.

I noticed that when I watch wedding shows my imagination no longer wanders, the day dreams of romantic nights have faded, when I see couples display the sweetness and romance of love I am no longer moved. I feel as though I am more indifferent to it all than anything.

At this point if presented with the opportunity I will go out and just kick it with some one but to actually pursue a relationship or something serious is just not in me. Some times I really wonder what brought about my indifference, other times I am just glad that I am unattached and I feel good not having to be bogged down with games and the insecurities that a person can bring into a relationship.

Ok... I am done with the relationship subject moving on...

I have gained a strong desire to move out of my father's house. I am not used to living with anyone other than myself, children or a husband/SO. I will certainly continue to actively look, find ways to increase my cash flow so I can move where I want and get back to the seemingly normal life and routine that I had a year ago.

Ok! Next Subject!

My line sister (my #3) has a tendency to send out these really random text messages. Some times I want to ring her neck for flooding my phone with such randomness but none the less she gets me thinking, I love her like she was my little sister and I know I miss it when she does not come with the randomness from time to time.

Over the weekend she sent me a text saying, "Sometimes you have to ask yourself, are u happy. So, are you? Are you?"

I informed her that is a question she does not want me to answer and like most people in my circle she is a glutton for punishment and she insisted that I answer the question. She felt that the answer was rather simple.

So I told her, "If I were to take the middle ground I would say I am content. However if it is a yes or no answer then I would have to say, no."

Her response was, "Wow, That's kinda something. Smile a little bit more."

*Blink, Blink*

What does smiling more have to do with it? I surely did not get it nor the concept behind it. That went over my head just like my questioning her about my smiling more went over hers. :-P

Overall, I cannot with confidence say I am unhappy because I am not unhappy. I just feels as though I am in a serious state of indifference with a lot of thing in my life and I feel at peace with the feeling of indifference that I am experiencing. It is if as though I don't have to worry about nor carry the burdens of others outside of me and my children and I am kind of liking it.