I was originally going to do a Office Pet Peeves entry, however I joined a No Complaining challenge. Basically I cannot complain about anything for 30 days and instead of complaining I have to find a solution to what I other wise would be complaining about or just leave it alone if there is no solution or if it is something I have no control over. So instead of taking a risk of complaining about issues where the only solutions would probably get me written up or worse, I will hold off.
Anyway...
With the final ending of my last relationship I can officially render this chapter closed and never to be reopened again. The funny thing is with the closing of that chapter I left behind the desire that I had to be in a relationship or to find that someone special to share my life with. Don't get it twisted, my anti social behind can and often times does like being by myself but it is nice to have some one to talk to, love me, a special person to do things with and vice versa. Now that feeling, that want, that strong desire is gone.
I noticed that when I watch wedding shows my imagination no longer wanders, the day dreams of romantic nights have faded, when I see couples display the sweetness and romance of love I am no longer moved. I feel as though I am more indifferent to it all than anything.
At this point if presented with the opportunity I will go out and just kick it with some one but to actually pursue a relationship or something serious is just not in me. Some times I really wonder what brought about my indifference, other times I am just glad that I am unattached and I feel good not having to be bogged down with games and the insecurities that a person can bring into a relationship.
Ok... I am done with the relationship subject moving on...
I have gained a strong desire to move out of my father's house. I am not used to living with anyone other than myself, children or a husband/SO. I will certainly continue to actively look, find ways to increase my cash flow so I can move where I want and get back to the seemingly normal life and routine that I had a year ago.
Ok! Next Subject!
My line sister (my #3) has a tendency to send out these really random text messages. Some times I want to ring her neck for flooding my phone with such randomness but none the less she gets me thinking, I love her like she was my little sister and I know I miss it when she does not come with the randomness from time to time.
Over the weekend she sent me a text saying, "Sometimes you have to ask yourself, are u happy. So, are you? Are you?"
I informed her that is a question she does not want me to answer and like most people in my circle she is a glutton for punishment and she insisted that I answer the question. She felt that the answer was rather simple.
So I told her, "If I were to take the middle ground I would say I am content. However if it is a yes or no answer then I would have to say, no."
Her response was, "Wow, That's kinda something. Smile a little bit more."
*Blink, Blink*
What does smiling more have to do with it? I surely did not get it nor the concept behind it. That went over my head just like my questioning her about my smiling more went over hers. :-P
Overall, I cannot with confidence say I am unhappy because I am not unhappy. I just feels as though I am in a serious state of indifference with a lot of thing in my life and I feel at peace with the feeling of indifference that I am experiencing. It is if as though I don't have to worry about nor carry the burdens of others outside of me and my children and I am kind of liking it.
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