Emotional Roller Coaster...

I am tired of riding the emotional roller coaster. The consistent (and frequent) ups and downs just give me heartache and leaves me with a strong sense of uncertainty, like things are not good and so unstable.

It is aggravating when men talk big isht yet they don't back up their words with action. They claim they care but can't even show that is how they really feel. I never had a real understanding as to why people act as if one cares or act as if one really wants to be with a person. Ok, I have a few guesses 1) either they are just holding a person there for the sex or for what they feel they can get out of them or, 2) they are holding that person there and still seeking out other potential women to see if anything better comes along. Could be wrong but maybe that is me and my twisted thinking. I suppose when see other wise then I will change my thought process.

All I know is I don't like feeling what I am feeling and I truly don't like the feeling of unhappiness either. I don't like the consistent pattern of things and I never liked roller coasters especially emotional ones. Don't like doing most of the compromising and bending only to feel used in the end.

I continue to wonder why I even still feel what I feel for this person, especially when actions and feelings are not reciprocated. What is the point of putting anything into a situation you are barely going to get anything out of? Mmmm I suppose that was the whole point about the let's just "date" thing so he would not have do all that. It just really feels like everything was faked and the thought, the feeling of that is making me sick to my stomach.

I am really pissed today more so at myself for going against my better judgement and not protecting my heart and feelings from the start. I swear sometimes I feel like I am dealing with a smaller version of... never mind...

It's all good though I get it... I see the big picture rather clearly...