Saturday I was out at the National Mall with the children and as we were walking along I saw a couple stretched out on a bench, cuddling one another, taking pictures of themselves and just simply being playful. Usually I would grumble something like, "get a fuckin room" but the guy looked some what like my ex husband and I began to have flashbacks of times when he and I were, happy and very much in love. It was not one of those I wish we were still together memories, that ship has sailed, crashed and sunk. It was more of remembering the feeling that came along with being loved with the same fury that you love that other person. I walked away thankful that I have had that experience, I know what it feels like to not only love but be loved.
One thing I am trying and learning to do now is savor and cherish the feelings, the moments and hold them not only in my memory bank but in my heart. One thing I promised myself was that if God ever allowed for me to have that love experience again, that I would greatly cherish, love and appreciate it and that person for the rest of my days...
Maybe I am romanticizing but I always thought that the person I am meant to be with would not ask if he could take his seat on the throne beside me but he would ease up on me and take his place, leaving me wondering, what? Dude where you come from? Oh and yeah, thanks for letting it be known that you are here, your place is next to me and we just going to do this. We stuck Babe, we stuck...LOL! I am having a serious blond day today so I am scratching my head wondering if that is exactly what happened this morning (ok, I was a lil shook too). Did my better half take his place and silently let me know? Or, has he been there all along but I never really took notice and basically reminded my ass he is there? He is not one to patronize, so I seriously doubt he was trying to pacify me, none the less I am slowly beginning to see things through a fresh pair of eyes.
I suppose when one is trying their hardest to avoid being hurt they tend to over look what is standing right in front of them. I must try to remember that love itself does not hurt, it is the person that says that they love who hurts you through what ever hurtful things they do. All in all it takes a great deal of trust. If I say that I trusted completely I would be lying but I am slowly getting to a point where my trust does not waiver.
As I mentioned above I am really having a serious blond day. I think that is a Gemini thing more than hormonal. In the midst of a blond day I process things slower (or they go over my head), my attention span is a ZERO and my memory is shot. Like the time I left the oven on for two days straight with out knowing. I was walking around my apartment wondering why the hell it was entirely to hot. For people who know me if I say I am hot then there is something seriously wrong. It was not until I went to go bake some chicken that I realized that I left the oven on for two day... those blond days are the worst days and some times they can be dangerous days. I was told that I pause before I do things well check me out on a blond day, not only will I pause but I will get seriously stuck on pause. I will be sitting there trying to figure out what the hell I was about to do, then when/ IF I remember exactly what that task was I will need another minute to do my regular pause before I get to it.
On a lighter side...
I have a fascination with volcanoes and earthquakes (pissed that I missed Dante's Peak, again). Why? I have no clue. I do know I love natural disaster movies, vampire movies (obsessed with them), werewolves movies and movies dealing with the supernatural. I get so into those movies it is like I am in a trance. I was watching Dracula the other night as I was on the phone talking to my girlfriend and thoroughly so into the movie that I had to make commentary. Yes, I sounded real crazy but my girlfriend needed to see how gangsta Dracula really was in that movie. Dracula is a mac for real. I do not know of any man that can hypnotize a women with his eyes, his charm and let him bite her on the neck; only to be running around crazy, entranced in him and hungry for blood. Then the chic is saved by the man she left for Dracula... well once you turn vampire you never go back and dude should have let her leave with Dracula. Shoot, can't turn a vampire into no house wife... see? I am entirely to into it.
I really think I have to much time on my hands sometimes...
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