The Ex Factor

One fact of life that I have always accepted is that ex (es) for the most part never go away. In some way, shape or form they always come back. Checking up to see how you are doing, to give their apologies for being an (insert whatever here), to tell you they have moved on, or how much you have impacted their life, some to mess with you, to get their ego stroked and a few who truly see that there is no life with out you and want to try again; no matter what reason they come back.

Unfortunately it seems as though the ones with out the best of intentions, empty promises, and bags fulls dreams to sell are the ones that always seem to come out of the darkness for which they dwell in.

I have two people who come to mind that have had an ex come back into their lives and one I definitely know came back with selfish and ill intentions, that were not meant to benefit my sis in any way. It really hurts to see her go through the same feelings of hurt and being in the same exact place that she was in for years after their break up.

The whole time we had our discussion about him and his reappearance I could not help but ask, why? I never really had an understanding as to why an ex pops back up in some one's life, especially if said ex has clearly and I mean CLEARLY (marriage, babies etc;) moved on. To me it can't be on no let's be friends tip, because if that was the case then a friendship would have continued not long after the relationship ended and it would have possibly taken on a form that was comfortable for both parties.

Granted, I do have an understanding if someone feels that they have made a mistake in letting the other go, want to make amends, start off fresh, start a solid friendship what have you but to let years go by, move on completely and try to come back only means trouble and heart ache.

Unfortunately, I am speaking from hard learned lessons. There have been a few exes in particular that just needed to stay exactly that, exes and there is all of one that I would actually give a thought into rekindling something with (I said give thought and rekindle most likely would be in the form of friendship).

Is change possible? Yes, a person growing and changing is very possible. I have seen it with my own eyes. However... I have learned that any one can say they have changed, they have grown, and things are different but like with anything in life proof is definitely in the pudding. If you give it enough time and not get to engulfed in the attention, the memories and feelings then you will be able to tell if that person really has changed. If you realize they have not, then you can leave and move on fairly unscathed.


Some times there are some people that are best left in the status that they are in. We need to remember that about 75% of the time (I am being very generous with that percentage) an ex is an ex for a very good reason and we don't need to go through the experience again to be reminded of that reason.