Just In A Mood...

I really don't know what is up with me today, I just feel off. Like I don't really feel like myself today. I am not feeling very productive either but I suppose that has everything to do with it being Friday, along with simply just wanting to rest because my next two or three weekends look busy as hell.

Anyway...

I watched the segment on black men last night and my disappointment continues. I can say there was one segment in particular that hit a sore spot with me, it stirred up some repressed feelings and I was crying tears of confusion and anger. I don't know, I think I had different expectations of this documentary. I assumed that it was going to be a documentary that took a realistic and in depth look at the problems we face being black in America and through out the program there would be some sort of resolution proposed. I was wrong.

The segment that angered me in particular was looking at black men not being fathers. Growing up my father was not around and my daughter's father is not around for her. So to watch a father not be accountable for his off spring (s) kind of pissed me off. Though my girlfriend offered a few words of solace I still feel it. Yeah my daughter's father may be missing out but the thing is that she is missing out as well, as a girl's first relationship is with her father and it sets the tone for how her relationships will be in the future.

I know a lot of folks say, it is ok. You are strong you can raise her by yourself blah, blah, blah. I don't want to hear that shyt, for real. It provides me with no comfort and quite frankly when people say that I feel even more pressure than I did before the comment was made. Yeah, I know I am strong for I know ALLLL that I been through but being strong is not everything and just because I am "strong" and I can "raise my daughter by myself" does not make it right. It basically reiterates what my girlfriend was saying last night about folks making excuses and not taking personal responsibility.

Now my boys are good. Though my ex husband was not the most functional husband he was and still is the most excellent father I know. Despite everything we have said and done to each other I can honestly say that I could not have picked a better father for my boys. I don't let a moment pass with out letting him know that he is an excellent father.

On a lighter note...lol...

My girlfriend has been abusing the word incredulous. Now I can't get the damn word out of my head and I will be finding a way to use it all weekend. When folks start threatening me for the excessive use of the word incredulous I am going to dial you number and hand them the phone, because it is your fault.